faith

the rice

that had served

so well

has turned out

to be

our undoing

is there

anything

anything at all

that’s worthy of

your, my, our

faith?

root

can one’s

existence

be rootless?

regard

the world

domicile?

be

the late

basis?

The Fountain of Youth

Yesterday I discovered that there is a fountain of youth in me

And I had not realised that it’s been there for quite a while

Maybe it was never really there earlier

Perhaps it started off as a puny spark in my life

But most definitely it had slowly gained ground

And evolved into the something that is of great stature now

Oh my, oh my
How could I have missed it for so long?
It has grown within me for my taking
Patiently waiting for me to take complete control
Only a celestial communication could actually make me
Appreciate the presence of the fountain of youth

Now that I’ve found it

I never ever want to let it go

I fancy maximising its potential

And ensure that reaping off its benefits

Is as simple as ABC or 1-2-3

Embracing and beholding this rare gemstone

Hold on a minute or two
Am I seeing things?
Is this actually what I covet?
Can I be fooling myself or am I being fooled?
This enigma of the fountain
Does it really bring me youth?

sense and senses

have you ever met someone (in person or not) whom you hardly know and yet somehow feel connected with him/her? it seems like you have known him/her long enough for you to be able to communicate with him/her. you think you could understand this person and the needs. and this person has exactly the same sentiments towards you. this sense of belonging, i reckon, often emerges because gaps exist in our lives. i strongly believe that every one of us, no matter how successful we are, has some gaps in our lives that yearn to be filled. hence, when someone comes along in our lives, this sense of belonging surfaces. perhaps, this also reflects our lack of contentment in our own lives, a phenomenon that often occurs.

so what do we do when this someone appears? do we start building a relationship? do we maintain communicating with this person at the acquaintance level? or do we even bother doing anything?

it’s the wee hours in the morning and i’m no longer sure if i’m sane when writing this post.

a haiku to sum up my babbling…

beneath the colours
lies an affection that stirs
a magnum opus?

enjoyable, yet disturbed

had a rather great time in hong kong, though the weather was generally hot. all the shopping, walking, family bonding, partying at disneyland, etc. Faith’s really grown a lot. we all cherished our time spent with her during this vacation. the only problem we had with her was she wanted to be carried most of the time. guess she wanted to build the hercules in the two of us. 🙂

went to shenzhen (china) on wednesday for a day’s tour. other than the fact that we were ‘conned’ into various ‘unchartered’ locations, i must mention that this trip and my stay in hong kong had offered me some sights that made me think. you see, the backdrop of hong kong (and shenzhen) is often made up of short, old, run-down houses and tall, modern, well-built skyscrapers. this contrast of old and new, poor and rich, couldn’t be described in any way. and this contrast could be seen amongst the people on the streets too. one scene in shenzhen, in particular, will stay in my mind for quite a while. as we were walking up an overhead bridge, we saw this woman carrying a sleeping baby and sitting on the floor. she was picking and eating some discarded rice from an overturned garbage bin. i did not feel for her, to be honest. but my heart ached when i saw the baby. perhaps i have a girl myself and i know the needs of a child. i couldn’t imagine how this mother could meet her baby’s needs. i really felt and still feel sad for the young life. 😦

equality in the human race is just a myth. this, i acknowledge. but what can we do to minimise this inequality? we have people finding food from bins. we have p hilton getting away with a mysterious medical condition. we have african children walking around carrying fatal viruses. we have others splurging on lavish wedding celebrations. we…?

but of course, i’m probably looking at what’s obvious to the eyes. perhaps, deep inside every heart there is a soul that can be satisfied easily. all this soul needs is a rare gem called…

Contentment

Hell to those who despise
For they know not what we need
We may not have them all
But we do have each other
Which means so much more
Than what this freaking world
Could barely offer

You are all i care
You are all i have
You are all i need
And that’s fucking so enough

and this is what i seriously need to cultivate in my own life.

they, you and i

you were there
with me on the way up
you were talking
when I planted it
they came together
it was only awhile
but they were great
they felt really sensational
you were stunned
speechless for a moment
did I confess it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

you were there
ever charming from a distance
you were talking
when i could just observe
we never really came together
it was quite awhile
they looked great
they seemed really luscious
i was close to being stunned
speechless for a moment
did I wish it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

all i know
that the one next to me
will never be you

my take on telling tales

the wonderful minx posted about telling tales and ended with, “Now my tale is done for today, what about yours?”.

so i thought i’ll have my take on that:

unleavened lives dwell
til the day words interweave
and dictate our play

how’s that?

The King and I

Solomon’s fallen
For all his foolish brilliance
Where is my solace?

till life do us part

your words convinced me

your love warmed me

your actions melted me

your sacrifices nailed me

you were meant for me

so, it really puzzles me
why you didn’t do it, for me
why you didn’t put in effort, for me
why you didn’t trust your faith, for me
why you didn’t insist on showing the way, for me

well, i guess this is it

you have crossed the path

i’m left behind

you have reached the destiny

i’m stuck to doom

pardon me for asking
did we say, “till life do us part”?

Helena’s Note

I was naïve
To think that I’d be cherished
I was foolish
To believe that I was the special one
I thought
I was brought into this world
As a result of a conscientious effort of love
I’d never imagine
That I was a reluctant and unexpected mistake
I could never tell
That grudges and resentment and worse would follow
That my name was conveniently given
Because the spot where you and you whored
Was under the neon sign ‘Helena’s Bar’

Of course I was too infantile to comprehend
The stress, the mental abuse and the physical torture
You and you contributed
All I could do was cry instinctively after every hurt
But when I began to make sense of this world
You and you added on to my already battered soul and bruised body
You labelled me the seed of the bastard
You called me the wasted product of the slut
You and you took turns to inflict psychological and corporeal wounds
And the only thing I could do each time was to weep
Was I capable of other things?

I honestly attempted seeing the positives of life
I genuinely trusted the friendly souls in my circle
(Of which you and you were never in)
I quietly admired the relationships fostered
I rather bitterly envied the beautiful experiences witnessed
I was beginning to realise
That the world out there is worth waiting for
That the people out there are worth living for
That perhaps I could count on the person God
That painstakingly I must grow up

However
You and you intervened again
Except that this time
You and you went beyond all that you had done
You and you decided on my destiny
I guess I’d owed both of you too much
To delay my payment

Now
I’ve paid the price
Not my choice
But your choice
And your choice
Which leaves me with only one question

You
The bastard whose desire couldn’t be contained
All you needed was a shot to impress
But it turned out to be a shot that killed yourself
I became your thorn in the throat constantly
Your target of explicit langauge
And your object of itch
Have you ever loved me?

You
The slut whose invitation to all couldn’t be resisted
All you wanted was attention and love
But what you got was attention and lust
I became your pain in the ass continuously
Your punchbag of fury and frustration
And your article of shame
Have you ever loved me?

I was commanded to honour you and you
Honour you and you I shall
But I always wanted to know
Have you ever loved me?
It is just a simple question
I guess I won’t know the answer, will I?

work, sanity

work makes sanity
work breaks sanity

sanity makes work
sanity breaks work

work is sanity

sanity isn’t work

work?

sanity?

embrace both?
or cast one aside?

do i

do
I
really
know
who
I
am
do
I
know
who
I
really
am
do
I
know
who
I
am
really

seriously these words haunt me at different points of my life and they just did it again seriously

who are we?

holy innocents
cocooned in angelic skins
innocuous

screwtape’s charges
peeling in layers
damnable

hideous ageds
melted to core
wasted

soul
beautiful

(inspired by Skint)

my wishes

An age-old question: What are your wishes?

Let me attempt to answer it.

I wish I have more than 24 hours a day, so that I could spend more time at work and definitely more time with my wife and daughter.

I wish I could have the most powerful notebook that costs just a fraction of a thousand dollars.

I wish I have all the money in the world to travel round the world with my family.

I wish I could just stop working and replace the working time with books and music and movies.

I wish I have the luxury to go shopping as much as I want without burning my pockets.

I wish……a little self-centred, perhaps……

I wish that Singaporeans will be more gracious and considerate (stop littering, stop smoking in public, start giving up seats to the needy, etc.)

I wish parents will treat education seriously and start supporting their children in this area.

I wish all terrible vicious cycles could cease once and for all.

I wish that love and peace can exist everywhere.

Sometimes, I wish serious judgement will fall upon those who never put others before self.

Finally, I wish I had stopped wasting time writing these senseless impossibilities.

Sigh! Stress……perhaps……perhaps……per……haps……