expecting…really?

no. i’m not capable of expecting. i’m a male.

yes, i’m expecting a lot of things in my life.

after a rather short break, school will start next week. even before that, my work has begun this week. challenges, expectations on me, things are happening and they are fast and furious, if i may loosely borrow that tag.

i don’t think i am looking forward to work. i thought i might get into it initially and perhaps, i might enjoy doing it and get ready to soar to greater heights. but now, i’m not so sure. there are times when i wish i could be doing something else, honestly.

don’t get me wrong. this job used to have only one primary purpose, and i like achieving that primary purpose. but as the world is constantly changing, this job has evolved too. now it has two primary purposes (others like to put it, one primary purpose and one secondary purpose). the added purpose had made this job tougher than it used to be.

i’ve been on this job for the last ten years of my life. i’ve got lots of ups and downs in my career. the last two years are supposedly on my ‘up’ side. and with a new position this year, things should look rosy in the next couple of years. i’m probably on the verge of climbing up the ladder.

but somehow, i’m beginning to have doubts. i don’t doubt my abilities (yes, thick-skinned, i know). but i doubt that i will enjoy doing what i’m expected to do in the next few years. as i look at my life and all around me, i can’t help but feel that life is really too precious to be wasted doing what i don’t quite enjoy. (the world is increasingly becoming a threatening place to live in, you know what i mean?) there is my family for me to love and be loved; there are friends to catch up with; there are books to read; there is music for me to appreciate; there are many more things for me to try, experience, enjoy and cherish. should i be off soon?

at the moment, i don’t know. i wish to believe that i have time to think about it. but i know time is moving constantly. and i know that i might not even have the time to think if i were to perish in the next few seconds. will i have any regets then? yes, if you ask me now. i’ll have plenty to regret if i’m gone from the face of the earth.

am i selfish to bear such thoughts?

the wall

there it is
another wall
nothing’s amiss
just standing tall

been through this
at the last fall
east coast’s bliss
with the maiden’s ball

love paralysis
enhanced desperate call
to find the basis
for a brand new mall

candies with kiss
displayed in the hall
emotions that hiss
moved the heart of gall

probe, test the oasis
bite, taste the softest of all

drip

crack

drop

gone

wish

Sunrise

Sunrise
That was all I asked for
You told me I would get it

First day
You said you had a gruelling night
Second day
You said you had forgotten about it
Third day
You said the weather forecast wasn’t good

It went on and on and on
And that day never came

Differences were there for all to see
But I chose to hang on
I chose to have faith
I chose to believe

Sunrise
That was all I asked for
You told me I would get it

Fourth day
You said you were on duty
Fifth day
You said your health had failed
Sixth day
I said forget it

Once bitten twice shy
Only a fool like me was blind

Similarities were there for all to see
Now I chose to take off
I chose to have faith
I chose to believe

Sunrise
That is all I ask for
He tells me I will get it

First day
We enjoy sunrise

And I wonder
Will you ever have sunrise?

they, you and i

you were there
with me on the way up
you were talking
when I planted it
they came together
it was only awhile
but they were great
they felt really sensational
you were stunned
speechless for a moment
did I confess it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

you were there
ever charming from a distance
you were talking
when i could just observe
we never really came together
it was quite awhile
they looked great
they seemed really luscious
i was close to being stunned
speechless for a moment
did I wish it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

all i know
that the one next to me
will never be you

14 minutes

8.59 p.m.
Tonight, I really had a wonderful time spent with you.

I’m not very good with words. I just know that my feelings for you have grown stronger by the seconds. As I walked you home, I wanted to tell you how I sincerely feel for you and how much I want to be with you.

But summoning my courage has proven more arduous than anything else I’ve done. I was too weak to do it.

I could only bid you farewell.

9.06 p.m.
Now, I want to make it right. I wish to have another opportunity to try again. I’m nervous, but hopeful and excited. Yes, I think I must be honest with you.

9.11 p.m.

I wanted to make it right.

I wished to have another opportunity to try again.

I was nervous, but hopeful and excited.

Yes, I thought I ought to be honest with you.

9.13 p.m.
Now I understand what it means to “seize the moment”.

Now, I could only bid you farewell.

The Greatest Bliss

It’s cooler than Coke
It’s warmer than Love
It’s more pleasing than Sex
It’s more soothing than Music
It’s tastier than Tiramisu
It’s pricier than Lamborghini
It’s more desirable than Diamonds
It’s more vital than Religions and Politics
It’s not Fame
It’s not Power
It’s what Money can’t buy
It’s what Man can’t live without

It’s the Greatest Bliss cherished, treasured, relished by the privileged few
It’s Sleep…

I should like to

I should like to……

play down the left flank of the star-studded Liverpool team
mesmerize defenders with my pace and skills.

stand on stage with my guitar and voice
lift the hearts out of the screaming girls.

extend my outstretched arms
and feed the millions in poverty.

fly across planet Earth
and see the world I long to see.

change the hearts of people
and get rid of selfishness totally.

(done at sulpamard)

my wishes

An age-old question: What are your wishes?

Let me attempt to answer it.

I wish I have more than 24 hours a day, so that I could spend more time at work and definitely more time with my wife and daughter.

I wish I could have the most powerful notebook that costs just a fraction of a thousand dollars.

I wish I have all the money in the world to travel round the world with my family.

I wish I could just stop working and replace the working time with books and music and movies.

I wish I have the luxury to go shopping as much as I want without burning my pockets.

I wish……a little self-centred, perhaps……

I wish that Singaporeans will be more gracious and considerate (stop littering, stop smoking in public, start giving up seats to the needy, etc.)

I wish parents will treat education seriously and start supporting their children in this area.

I wish all terrible vicious cycles could cease once and for all.

I wish that love and peace can exist everywhere.

Sometimes, I wish serious judgement will fall upon those who never put others before self.

Finally, I wish I had stopped wasting time writing these senseless impossibilities.

Sigh! Stress……perhaps……perhaps……per……haps……