climate’s changing, but are we doing anything?

just came back from downtown east. three of us had a great time yesterday at wild wild wet and the maze for kids at eXplorerkid. Faith really loved all the water fun and the climbing through the tunnels experience. as i watched her play, my deepest love for her surfaced from within which almost brought tears to my eyes. i almost always have this huge sense of gratitude whenever i look at my girl.

and sometimes, i shudder when i think of the kind of world she’s going to live in for the good part of her entire life. mad cow disease, SARS, dengue fever, H5N1, global warming and its effects, terrorism, etc. my word… girl needs to be strong!

i was at the supermarket with my family buying some groceries. as usual, it was packed with people from all walks of life. and like what we have been doing for the last few years, we brought along our own reusable bags as part of our own effort in being environment-friendly. but as i observed the people in the queues at the cashiers’, almost all of them had no reusable bags, ie, they left the supermarket with more plastic bags. some of them even requested for extra bags to contain their ‘heavy’ items. despite the less plastic bag campaign and its awareness programme, people are just not doing it!

i have been telling my kids in school that the effects of climate change (and global warming) are real, and they all agree. i tell them that they have to help to raise this awareness wherever they go. but i wonder how many parents and relatives actually listen to my kids and treat what they say seriously.

i was watching a little of saving gaia on CNA the other day, and was appalled by the type of pollutants present in the polluted air in Jakarta. how can we let this continue to happen?!! people are dying a slow and painful death there! and i know this isn’t just happening in Indonesia.

really, the threats are there for all to see. but people in Singapore here are just not doing enough to suggest that they care about the environment or the world for that matter. maybe because we don’t really feel the impact in a big way yet. do people really have to learn their lessons the hard and harsh way?

as Singapore and her people celebrate her 42nd National Day today, i hope people out there will not forget the fact that not only Singapore needs us. The world needs us too.

when i visited Verilion over at her blog, i read about this climate change camp at heathrow airport. some of these care-for-the-environment people wanted to raise awareness about the amount of carbon dioxide in the air. of course, they met resistance from the authorities. then i read some comments from this gentleman named Calvin Jones. apparently, he is very much involved in anything to do with climate change. i’m really heartened by the fact that there are people out there who bother to fight for gaia. hence, i’ve decided to support Mr Jones by helping him spread his message. do read it. (more…)

Published in: on Thursday, August 9, 2007 at 3:32 pm  Comments (3)  
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3 B.A.T. IV

my laptop – my toshiba A200 has been pretty fantastic. everything i need in a laptop, it has it. for less than 2K, it’s well worth the money.

my hair – short, easy to maintain, and it doesn’t look dated.

1927 – the aussie band back in the 80s. they produced songs like ‘if i could’, ‘that’s when i think of you’, ‘compulsory hero’, etc. i was a huge fan then.

Published in: on Wednesday, August 8, 2007 at 2:53 pm  Comments (1)  
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3 B.A.T. III

music – for speaking to me in many different ways…for inspiring me in almost everything i do…for living within me that i might express myself.

my profession – as a teacher, i have seen myself developing in the areas of public-speaking, self-esteem, leadership, people management, teaching of English and Mathematics, etc. ’nuff said.

the chair – the one i bought from ikea. office-style swivel armchair with comfortable leather beneath. lots of words were generated ‘cos of the coziness from sitting on it.

Published in: on Tuesday, August 7, 2007 at 10:06 pm  Comments (2)  
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The Beast

I was sitting by the beach
Building my sandcastle

When it appeared
And pulled up to me
It bared its ravenous teeth
And sank its claws into my flesh

My head was swimming
As it huffed and puffed
My heart was thumping
As it moved within me

The pain inflicted
Was beyond description
The joy ensued
Was oddly enthralling

Then it froze for a second
And allowed them to swim
While I caught my breath
Like tomorrow’s the last

It wagged its tail
And bounced to safety
Then I tossed and turned
Looking for sanity

I continued sitting by the beach
Building my sandcastle

Published in: on Tuesday, August 7, 2007 at 9:57 pm  Leave a Comment  

3 B.A.T. II

Miss James – my entry that garnered an honourable mention at Clarity of Night. i enjoyed writing this piece a lot because i wrote it with a pretty light spirit and it took me a very short time to complete it. i kinda like my protagonist here. she had a sad life, yet she took everything rather positively. i hope i can learn from her myself.

the blogosphere – the people around and the opportunities to write have made me a happier person, i dare say. i find life more meaningful in this unique world too.

time – time is so abstract that no one can ever keep it long enough. but i believe that if i can use it well, it will give me chances to make my life more fruitful.

Published in: on Monday, August 6, 2007 at 11:37 pm  Leave a Comment  
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an honourable mention

my story, Miss James, has received an honourable mention over at Jason’s latest writing contest. it’s really a privilege to be rubbing shoulders and sharing honours with some very established writers. this has further reaffirmed my faith in my own writing. i will keep writing. 🙂

Published in: on Monday, August 6, 2007 at 11:20 pm  Comments (4)  

3 B.A.T.

two more months and i’ll be blogging for a year. have always wanted to do something meaningful to mark my first blogging anniversary. after much thinking in my head, i finally decide to do something. you see, it’s in our human nature to be quick at seeing the negative side of life and thus, making ourselves unhappy by complaining. i’m pretty much guilty here. hence, i want to make that part of my life disappear gradually. i want to learn to be thankful for the big and little things of my life. i want a grateful soul within my puny body. i want to……

from today, i shall share my 3 Blessings even an Arse would be Thankful for each day. and i hope i can spread this ‘being thankful’ spirit around.

3 B.A.T. I:
Jennifer – for being the one and only who has to put up with my s***** temper every now and then. her patience and great support have made me a better man. she’s one very strong life partner.

Faith – for being a lovable and thoughtful daughter who almost always make me feel wonderful to be a father. she’s arguably the smartest two-year-old in the whole world right now.

Singapore – how can i forget my own nation…esp. with our National Day just days away? peace, prosperity, progress……what more can i ask?

folks, if you believe in what i’m doing here, go on, spread the word. find your 3 Blessings even an Arse would be Thankful for each day. And perhaps, you can share them with me too.

Published in: on Sunday, August 5, 2007 at 11:48 pm  Comments (2)  
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so happy i’m in

i’m so happy! Vanilla, whose blog is a must-read in the blogosphere, has given me an award:

thoughtful blogger award

i really can’t thank her enough for it. she has just affirmed me that i must be doing something right here.

and now, it is my honour to present this same award to the following good folks:

Suzan (for her continuous support and encouragement)
Vesper (for her kind words that never fail to lift my spirits)
Seamus (for fathering the shameless circle)
Jason (for ensuring that all comments are positively constructive)
Witnessing Am I (for his lovely writes and kind comments)

the orginal idea of such awards came from here. read about it and perhaps you can start giving out these awards to encourage other bloggers.

Published in: on Friday, August 3, 2007 at 8:21 am  Comments (8)  
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a reason

the lord of the flies
had ghostwritten
the cider house rules
like clockwork orange

Published in: on Wednesday, August 1, 2007 at 11:18 pm  Comments (2)  

great to be back!

guys, i’m back. if you miss me, i thank you!

i want to thank Bucephalus for taking care of this place in my absence. some lovely writings from Bashō! you are good, you beast! and thank you all for giving him your lovely support and encouragement!

my pleasure. will do a better job the next time.

yeah, it was a very busy week with all the work in school, the bonding at home and the writing for competitions.

finally submitted my entries for the Golden Point Award. i took part in both the fiction (maximum 5000 words) and poetry category (5 to 8 poems). spent quite long hours churning out the fiction and understood the real writing process – a definite challenging task. due to competition requirements, i’m not able to share my entries here. the results will only be known by december, so will probably post my entries up come end of the year or in 2008.

winning it? it would be nice, considering the fact that over 500 people took part in the last one in 2005. the important thing is i’m beginning to enjoy writing a lot. should i say i love it. will definitely dedicate more time to write more which implies that i will improve.

jason at clarity of night had another fantastic writing contest again. similar to the last one i took part, a participant is to write a short fiction of up to 250 words based on a theme and a picture. this time, the theme is “Halo” and you can check out the details here.

i submitted my entry entitled “Miss James”. go read it here and give me your comments either here or there.

well, that’s quite an update. will catch up with you at your blogs soon.

and it’s great to be back! 🙂

Published in: on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at 12:31 pm  Comments (4)  
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a haiku a day VIII

Pretending to drink
sake from my fan,
sprinkled with cherry petals.


Published in: on Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 9:34 am  Comments (1)  

a haiku a day VII

Another haiku?
Yet more cherry blossoms –
not my face.


Published in: on Saturday, July 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm  Comments (2)  

a haiku a day VI

Do not forget the plum,
in the thicket.


Published in: on Friday, July 27, 2007 at 10:15 am  Leave a Comment  

take five

the deadline’s next tuesday. and i only managed two poems in the middle of some heavy workload. have to submit 5 to 8 poems for the poetry category and a short story of up to 5000 words for the fiction category. will struggle a bit but am confident that they will be churned out in time. winning it is an extra extra bonus. the writing process is what i’m after. wish me luck!

see that my dearest lion has been doing a good job here. thanks, Bucephalus!

you are welcome! leave this place to me! 🙂

Published in: on Thursday, July 26, 2007 at 10:19 am  Comments (4)  
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a haiku a day V

Now cat’s done
mewing, bedroom’s
touched by moonlight.


Published in: on Thursday, July 26, 2007 at 10:09 am  Leave a Comment  

a haiku a day IV

Spring rain –
under trees
a crystal stream


Published in: on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 at 8:13 am  Comments (1)  

a haiku a day III

New Year – the Bashō-Tosei
a-buzz with haiku.


Published in: on Tuesday, July 24, 2007 at 9:42 am  Comments (1)  

a haiku a day II

Fields, mountains
of Hubaku, in
nine days – spring.


Published in: on Monday, July 23, 2007 at 10:17 am  Leave a Comment  

a haiku a day

since c.s. is away and has given me every opportunity to post anything, i have decided to post a haiku a day until he returns. (i might still put up something else along the way.) these are translated writings done by one of the great japanese masters, Matsuo Bashō. Lucien Stryk did all the translations. enjoy reading!

In my new robe
this morning –
someone else.

Published in: on Sunday, July 22, 2007 at 12:12 pm  Leave a Comment  

time to write

like i’ve mentioned before, work has been bugging me. little room and time for creativity in writing. and the window for submissions for the Golden Point Award is closing soon. all i have so far is some vague outline. albeit this competition is an extremely tall order, i still very much want to participate in it. therefore, i’ve decided to take a backseat here for awhile until i complete my writing entries for the competition. bucephalus will take care of things in my absence. he will have the freedom to post whatever he deems relevant. please give him your full support, the way you give it to me. if he does well, give him a rub on the back. if he messes things up, reserve your gripes till i return. see you soon, folks!


“i will do my best, master c.s.!”

Published in: on Thursday, July 19, 2007 at 11:31 pm  Comments (5)  
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the bud
the bud
is growing.
nip it.
tit it
the dawn settles.

simplicity is a rare commodity in the modern human race. few would stop and ponder over it. few would want to have anything to do with it. we were meant to enjoy it, but the world is ever evolving rapidly that we see it superfluous. why should we need it, some say, if the world can offer us so much more? times have changed, some say, so move with times and ignore it. without it, complacency and arrogance have taken root, leading to the evil complexity exposing its snares, a situation which most could not recognise or reconcile. seriously, complexity has become more rampant. times of wretchedness are looming large. if only we could all pause and observe and think. simplicity might just save the day.

Published in: on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 at 8:37 am  Comments (5)  

must be kidding me…

thanks to Vanilla, i got to this webpage and posted my best photo for scan. the result? 7 out of 10 times, i look like Beyonce. hahaha! she will cry when she sees this.

Published in: on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 at 9:58 am  Comments (11)  
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cow on holy trail
takes on path of redemption
narcissistic fool!

Published in: on Monday, July 16, 2007 at 11:29 pm  Leave a Comment  

three quickies

three and a half bloggers met in new york. one was a guru to the other. two from the old school. two connected through thin air. and the half’s a third of one. short, yet unique.

weariness is an understatement. love keeps the soul going. a transformer is in store.

a new life awaits. and i am so damn looking forward to it. although the ghost of uncertainty still haunts.

Published in: on Sunday, July 15, 2007 at 11:56 pm  Comments (4)  
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don’t think i should believe this

the sound and the fury

You’re The Sound and the Fury!
by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue, but you’re mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you’ve lost. People often have a hard time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

try the quiz if you are interested, but don’t look too much into it.

Published in: on Saturday, July 14, 2007 at 12:45 am  Comments (3)  
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Bucephalus has done it!

the shameless lions writing circle awards had just been given out. and yes, my beloved adopted lion, Bucephalus, has won the best-looking lion award! though he’s placed 4th, he’s beaten 44 other lions in looks! way to go, Bucephalus! wait, he’s going to say something…

“MEEEOWWW! thank you master c.s., for picking me! i have always wanted to say this, but was never given a chance. thank you members of the jury for believing that i might just pip brat pitt in the looks department! and thank you all for supporting me! from now on, i shall start learning from my master, and hopefully i will churn out some decent writing pieces half as good as my master’s. let me start with this poem:

hear ye o hear ye!
bucephalus is here!
to deliver and conquer!
to undivide and raise the tide!
so be fearful, yet respectful!
for this is only the beginning!


well done, Bucephalus!

certainly you have not heard the last of him.

Published in: on Friday, July 13, 2007 at 3:22 pm  Comments (4)  
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Lake, Castle, Cloud

He gazed at the cloud. The one that had always been there for him every morning. Its lofty position had never been swayed. Not even the strongest of storms could move it an inch. He was certain that God had specially created that cloud just for him. He smiled regrettably. He was going to miss it much.

He looked at all around him: the four walls and the ceiling and the floor, and the little window, and of course, the door. Others labelled this place the cell. He preferred it to be called his castle. A place where he could stand tall amongst the rest. A fortress against all odds of life. A shelter where he could be forgotten. He was certain that God had specially created this castle just for him. He grinned lamentably. He was going to miss it much.

He felt the breeze moving through the grills. It gently slapped on his face. It smelled really good. It carried with it the aroma of the charming lake. He could almost always feel the vibes of the lives beneath the surface of the glistening waters. He was certain that God had specially created the lake just for him. He tittered remorsefully. He was going to miss it much.

The door opened. Everything happened swiftly from there.

He stood. He walked. He did not turn round to take a last look at them. They were of the past. He was looking into the future. The promise of life would be fulfilled soon. He was ready.





(a simple tribute to Mr Nabokov)

Published in: on Wednesday, July 11, 2007 at 10:21 am  Comments (4)  
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hanging on

c.s. hanging on…pray for him…

i’m on the edge.

no. i’m not on the edge.

i’m off the edge.

i’m barely hanging on.

you cannot imagine how much is in my hands now.

pray with me, will you?

Published in: on Monday, July 9, 2007 at 6:24 pm  Comments (10)  
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the paper i picked up today

the paper i picked up today
it moved me a little

doubts about what i do
it kept feeding them

the world seemed blind
surely i’m not

i could crush and toss it aside
but its veins rained on me

stories unfolded one by one
thomas revealed two by two

it seemed completely right
for condemnation to take charge

i spoke forth in fear
for the goodness of all

let the cubs and kittens rule
the fate of future state

dust and ashes wept agreeably
in the hope of peace

i moved it a little
the paper i picked up today

Published in: on Friday, July 6, 2007 at 8:15 am  Comments (17)  

what do you see?

what do you see?

here’s my take:

a life bedazzled,
wasted away
on the point
of aimlessness.

how about:

an abyss
for the sick and lost
with a 20-point
directional scale

folks, have a go, will ya?

what a contribution from this tag team:

Circle of life
wheels within wheels
on target
bull’s eye

Shot fired
life arrested
a static goal

Published in: on Wednesday, July 4, 2007 at 11:25 am  Comments (5)  

never better

cold coffee has just logged in on the msn chat

shining star says:
tiring day?

cold coffee says:
yeah, a little. you?

shining star says:
never better.

cold coffee says:
i thought we had a great chat the other night.

shining star says:
i agree.

cold coffee says:
we talked so much about football, about our dreams to play for spurs.

shining star says:

cold coffee says:
i really think defoe should go since barbatov is staying and bent is coming.

shining star says:
we’d talked about this.

cold coffee says:
yes, sorry. just that my perspective on this is rather strong.

shining star says:
no apologies, please.

cold coffee says:
what are you doing now?

shining star says:
chatting with you.

cold coffee says:
ok…before that?

shining star says:
waiting for you.


Published in: on Tuesday, July 3, 2007 at 1:48 am  Comments (4)  



he stood there

looking aggressive

his anger crystal clear

almost embarrassing

the evil of love

had left him humiliated

the rising impatience

threatened more hostilities

i had to
take an offensive stance
i had to
counter with violence
    i had to
    i had to
i had
Published in: on Saturday, June 30, 2007 at 4:48 pm  Comments (5)  

the first one

pleasantly surprised. i am a co-winner at minx’s competition. i thought mutley’s piece was really good. never expected me to share the honours with him.

i have to thank the wonderful minx for giving me this recognition. i would surely go on to write more (trash and non-trash). thanks, minx!

for those who have not read my winning piece, please scroll down and look for it.

Published in: on Sunday, June 24, 2007 at 11:30 pm  Comments (14)  
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yet another

the marvelous minx has a little competition up and running at the moment. and it will close in another couple of hours’ time. she asked anyone interested to write anything (prose or poem) of not more than 500 words based on any of the three paintings by jack vettriano.

i never thought of not participating. but only managed to write one decent piece today. this is the picture i have chosen followed by my prose, which can also be found here. enjoy!

The screen had been telling a promising story.

Door Left Open
Aubrey puffed the cigarette. She refused to cry. The emotions from within could still be contained. She knew she had done the right thing. As much as she cherished her girl, she had to do it.

Alan put his hand on her shoulder. His touch reaffirmed their faith in each other. He knew he was right. There could not be another way out. As much as he cherished his girl, they had to do it.

The screen had been telling a promising story. Images of her eclipsed the dark side of the house. The playground, the barn, the pony ride, the swimming pool, the birthday cake… Her life could have gone on to a fireworks display.

“……happy birthday to Adele! happy birthday to you!” the cheers and applause preceded the end of the movie clip.

“It’s time now,” Alan kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll wait for you.” He disappeared through the door.

Aubrey finished her last bit and put the stub away. Then, it came. The sorrow from deep down surfaced tremendously and took over her entire being. She wept, her hands on her face. She went on for about five minutes, absolutely losing control.

Then, all of a sudden, the tears stopped completely. She removed her hands from the face that was scarred with trails of her mascara.

She stood and moved towards the long flight of stairs. She scaled it slowly, and came to her door. It was left open. She pushed it away and walked to the bed. Alan was there, head hung low. He was sobbing. Aubrey put her hands on his shoulders and pulled herself close.

“I’m sorry, Adele! I’m really sorry!” he couldn’t help but utter, visibly shaken. She was the composed one now. Perhaps, she had dried up all her grief. She took her husband’s hand and placed it on the girl’s face with hers. It was already cold by then. Obviously the drug had worked. She was gone.

They stayed there for quite awhile.

They took one last look at their motionless girl. No more goodbyes, no more pain. They left and came to their lounge. Aubrey sat on the bar stool. Alan went behind the counter and uncovered it from a locked box.

“I love you!” he said, looking at her.

“I love you too!” she answered, eyes closed.

He put it on her head. He pulled the trigger, and she was gone.

He placed it on his and pulled. He was gone too.

The sunlit rays filtered through the curtains and woke her up. She just had a long, wonderful dream. The little girl stretched her tiny body. Then, she was up. She saw the door that was left open. She yelled in excitement and ran through it, the pacifier still in her mouth.

“Mummy! Daddy!” she shouted as she searched. Then, she saw it… through the balcony. The morning sky was bathed in a golden hue. She just stood there, admiring God’s gorgeous backdrop. She smiled.

Published in: on Friday, June 22, 2007 at 10:17 pm  Comments (4)  

the soul’s eight

ocean’s eleven, twelve and thirteen
five people you meet in heaven
nineteen minutes
fantastic four

it seems like numbers have been pretty prominent in names and titles.

why don’t i have my own “the soul’s eight”?

Verilion in paris
Atyllah the mighty hen
Vesper the chick with a quill
Maht at the Moon Topples
Seamus the chief of the circle
Skint the master writer
Minx the shrewd wordsmith
Suzan at writing passions

ok. if your name’s here, that means you are one whom i would like to meet in person, if there is a chance. and how about you guys? who in the blogosphere would you like to meet?

Published in: on Friday, June 22, 2007 at 1:34 pm  Comments (15)  


no. i’m not capable of expecting. i’m a male.

yes, i’m expecting a lot of things in my life.

after a rather short break, school will start next week. even before that, my work has begun this week. challenges, expectations on me, things are happening and they are fast and furious, if i may loosely borrow that tag.

i don’t think i am looking forward to work. i thought i might get into it initially and perhaps, i might enjoy doing it and get ready to soar to greater heights. but now, i’m not so sure. there are times when i wish i could be doing something else, honestly.

don’t get me wrong. this job used to have only one primary purpose, and i like achieving that primary purpose. but as the world is constantly changing, this job has evolved too. now it has two primary purposes (others like to put it, one primary purpose and one secondary purpose). the added purpose had made this job tougher than it used to be.

i’ve been on this job for the last ten years of my life. i’ve got lots of ups and downs in my career. the last two years are supposedly on my ‘up’ side. and with a new position this year, things should look rosy in the next couple of years. i’m probably on the verge of climbing up the ladder.

but somehow, i’m beginning to have doubts. i don’t doubt my abilities (yes, thick-skinned, i know). but i doubt that i will enjoy doing what i’m expected to do in the next few years. as i look at my life and all around me, i can’t help but feel that life is really too precious to be wasted doing what i don’t quite enjoy. (the world is increasingly becoming a threatening place to live in, you know what i mean?) there is my family for me to love and be loved; there are friends to catch up with; there are books to read; there is music for me to appreciate; there are many more things for me to try, experience, enjoy and cherish. should i be off soon?

at the moment, i don’t know. i wish to believe that i have time to think about it. but i know time is moving constantly. and i know that i might not even have the time to think if i were to perish in the next few seconds. will i have any regets then? yes, if you ask me now. i’ll have plenty to regret if i’m gone from the face of the earth.

am i selfish to bear such thoughts?

Published in: on Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 3:27 pm  Comments (7)  
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the wall

there it is
another wall
nothing’s amiss
just standing tall

been through this
at the last fall
east coast’s bliss
with the maiden’s ball

love paralysis
enhanced desperate call
to find the basis
for a brand new mall

candies with kiss
displayed in the hall
emotions that hiss
moved the heart of gall

probe, test the oasis
bite, taste the softest of all






Published in: on Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 2:11 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Bell

stop short
of trying hard
to turn my life
the way I intend it
after much thinking and ranting
obviously aware of consequences
that might haunt
a pathetic
Published in: on Sunday, June 17, 2007 at 11:58 am  Comments (11)  

The Fountain of Youth

Yesterday I discovered that there is a fountain of youth in me
And I had not realised that it’s been there for quite a while
Maybe it was never really there earlier
Perhaps it started off as a puny spark in my life
But most definitely it had slowly gained ground
And evolved into the something that is of great stature now
    Oh my, oh my
    How could I have missed it for so long?
    It has grown within me for my taking
    Patiently waiting for me to take complete control
    Only a celestial communication could actually make me
    Appreciate the presence of the fountain of youth
Now that I’ve found it
I never ever want to let it go
I fancy maximising its potential
And ensure that reaping off its benefits
Is as simple as ABC or 1-2-3
Embracing and beholding this rare gemstone
    Hold on a minute or two
    Am I seeing things?
    Is this actually what I covet?
    Can I be fooling myself or am I being fooled?
    This enigma of the fountain
    Does it really bring me youth?
Published in: on Saturday, June 16, 2007 at 2:51 pm  Comments (7)  
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a gift…sort of…

it’s my birthday today and i’m not exactly excited. but my loved ones want to cheer me up. thanks!

and i’ve written a short fiction for myself as a gift, maybe.

It Happens

The alarm sounded. I got up and threw myself off the bed. Sidestepping the red round chair in the dark, I fetched myself a cup of soya milk from the fridge. I switched on the lights and settled at the dining table to eat some bread. I picked up the newspaper by the side and started reading it. Another fatal car accident no thanks to one idiotic drunk driver. Jan got up moments later and walked past me. She went in to take a shower. I finished my last bit and cleaned up the cup. I took the towel and walked to the bathroom. She got out of it and left the room. I stepped into it and removed my robes. I turned on the tap. The water travelled down the tube, ran through the holes and laid its hands on me. The heat refreshed me somewhat. I soaped myself and was planning ahead. Then it happened.

The pain shot through my heart and I gasped. I dropped to the ground and crouched in agony. I couldn’t muster any strength to yell. The pain was simply too excruciating. After all these years of warning, no one had advised me intelligently to deal with it. Now, I was faced with it in the most severe circumstance. I struggled for air and felt myself ripping the flesh off my chest with my left hand. Then, I stopped breathing and collapsed. It took only 28 seconds.


I rinsed myself with the last drops and turned off the tap. I wiped myself dry and put on my hair gel. I stepped out of the showers and went to my closet. I ran my fingers through the wardrobe and picked up the one long-sleeved Domanchi. I dressed myself up in the next few moments. I took one last look into the mirror and felt myself looking good. I walked to the cot and talked to my little girl. She was irritated for a while, obviously unwilling to rise. Jan came in, ready to go. I picked Faye up and put her on my shoulder. We put on our shoes and left the house. We walked to the lift lobby, talking about the day ahead. My girl was still sleeping. The lift came. It was littered with dog’s urine. Another irresponsible owner. We shook our heads. At the ground floor, we began walking towards the car. Then it happened.

Just as I stepped off the building, I was struck on the head. Faye and I fell to the ground. Her back landed rather heavily. She was startled and cried loudly. Jan rushed to us in great horror. I lay sprawling on the ground, trying to look for the culprit in a semi-conscious state. I could see my blood everywhere; on the ground and on me. I saw it. A shattered flower pot. I thought my head was in pain. I thought it was bleeding profusely. I saw Jan in tears. She was quite clearly disoriented. She was carrying the wailing Faye and weeping uncontrollably, not knowing what to do. I felt really dizzy. The spell lasted about a minute or two. Then, I was gone.


The three of us stood by the car. Jan and I put our bags into the boot. I then got into the rear seat and buckled myself up with my still sleeping girl. Jan started the engine and stepped on the accelerator. The car inched its way out of the lot and moved onto the main road. The Morning Show was on. Gwen and FT were rattling on about who would win the Singapore Idol. Minutes later we arrived at the nanny’s place. She carried my girl off my shoulder and we bade her farewell. Our cute little one was still sleeping soundly. She must have been dreaming much. We walked back to our car and left for school. On our way there, I looked up to the heavens. The clouds were beginning to form and the golden hue of the rising sun was tainting the sky. It was beautiful. I then thought about work. I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Jan was about to make a right turn at the junction. I looked at all the oncoming cars. Most of them were speeding. I guessed everybody was in a hurry getting to work. Then it happened.

This black Mercedes was coming on real fast. It did not look right. In fact, it was too fast and it had gone off track. Oh my god! It was coming right at us! The Mercedes rammed into the bonnet of our Ford!……I couldn’t quite remember what had actually happened. But my lower half of the body was caught in the middle of the wreckage. I thought I saw blood all over. Jan had managed to get out of the car. She was crying for help. I was just staring at her, unable to do anything else. The pain was beyond description. It was…it was…it was numb. It took me only about three minutes to realise I was going. I told Jan to take good care of our girl. I told her I loved her. She wept and told me to hang on. I told her I loved her again. And I said something like, “Believe in Jesus…” Then I closed my eyes.


Jan stopped the car in the lot and shut down the engine. Both of us got off the car and walked into our respective offices. I had tons of work waiting for me to clear. Being a department head had brought me a lot more burden. I didn’t hate my work but I couldn’t exactly say I enjoyed doing it either. But for the sake of my own promotional prospects, I just had to give it a shot. So it went on. The day, I mean. From the office to the classrooms; from the paper work to all the students’ assignments. Work seemed to make time an even rarer commodity. Before I could come to my senses, it was already five in the evening. Jan had gone to fetch our girl home. They would be arriving in ten minutes’ time to take me home. I cleared up my things on the table. I switched off my notebook and went underneath the table, intending to switch off the main power. Then it happened.

As my bare index finger touched the socket, a huge electric shock wave ran through my entire body. I really did not know what hit me then. My body twitched violently for about 12 seconds. Then, all my hopes of spending another great evening with my family and retiring at 65 with great wealth had gone up in smoke……literally.


My little one called out for me outside my workstation. I could hear her footsteps. I hid behind my chair and called out her name. She walked slowly towards my chair. I burst out smiling and she screamed with joy. I gave her a huge hug and asked her if she had been a good girl. She said yes as Jan appeared from behind. I picked up my bag and we all took off. We got into our car and left for my in-laws’ place where we usually had our dinner on weekdays. Dinner was rather sumptuous, as usual. And my baby girl was already feeding herself. Quite messy, I must say. I was still chewing on my fish when I smiled at her. Then it happened.

I felt something hard and sharp in my throat. I knew something was wrong. I tried spitting out whatever was in my mouth. The rest looked on, shocked. Jan asked me what was wrong. I pointed to my throat but couldn’t utter a word. I knew I was choked by a bone, but I never imagined that it was this painful. What freaked me (and the rest) out was the fact that I was bleeding from my mouth. The rest of them held me by the arms but was obviously unsure of what to do. Faye was still sitting on her chair, staring at me curiously. Someone actually remembered calling for the ambulance. Everything took off from there rapidly. Before I knew it, I was on the way to hospital. Jan was by my side. The paramedics were doing something to me. I could hear faintly the words “blood vessels…”. I looked at the teary-faced Jan. I knew hope was slim at best. I wanted to keep awake. But my eyelids were just too heavy. She had just seen the last of me.


After a much satisfying dinner, the whole family sat on the couch in front of the TV. My little one was playing with her kitchen set toys. She loved playing cooking, just like many other young girls. I was watching “Shrek 2”. It was still hilarious to me. Jan was talking to her parents. It was a rather comfortable evening. About half an hour later, we decided to leave for home. We got the youngest one to pack her toys and told her that we were going. She hurriedly kept her toys and followed us out of the door. We took turns to carry her home. She was rather demanding. Just like most evenings, we showered the baby before washing up. Jan tucked her to bed while I cleared up some of my work. Then I flipped through the papers and saw yet another tragic news. How could this have happened? This was the third case in a month. I had to agree that humans are all vulnerable. Our life is too fragile to be wasted. I decided to turn in too. I jumped onto bed and kissed my wife and my already asleep child. We switched off the lights and lay in bed. I closed my eyes, still thinking about how I should be spending my time wisely with my family. I must cherish them. My day at work had worn me out almost completely. I finally surrendered and dozed off. Then it happened.

I never woke up.

happy birthday, cs!

Published in: on Wednesday, June 13, 2007 at 1:48 am  Comments (16)  
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it might just happen, anytime

death is something totally unavoidable. we all know that. hence, some people fear it. they fear losing everything they have built or gained. they fear losing their loved ones. they fear…there could be a thousand and one reasons why they fear death.

if you ask me, honestly, there is only one reason why i fear death – not having the time to complete what i wish to accomplish. and i’m talking about many things to do here. like, getting my loved ones to believe in Him; writing my will so that my loved ones would at least gain some; telling the world that i’m really, really a pretty nice guy; playing in a band again; reading all the books that are left on the shelves, listening to all my acquired songs and music attentively; expressing my genuine care and concern to those who wish to be heard and comforted; travelling far, far away from here, visiting all the english football stadiums, watching my girl grow up and old, reliving my life again, etc, etc, etc.

when i read the newspapers daily, i see countless deaths being reported. i often think it might happen to me next. don’t get me wrong. i’m not freaking out. it’s just that i’m beginning to live my life as if i’m gone soon. i try to maximise all that i have so that my life will be meaningful and not wasted. not sure if i’m too extreme here. but so far, so good.

Published in: on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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sense and senses

have you ever met someone (in person or not) whom you hardly know and yet somehow feel connected with him/her? it seems like you have known him/her long enough for you to be able to communicate with him/her. you think you could understand this person and the needs. and this person has exactly the same sentiments towards you. this sense of belonging, i reckon, often emerges because gaps exist in our lives. i strongly believe that every one of us, no matter how successful we are, has some gaps in our lives that yearn to be filled. hence, when someone comes along in our lives, this sense of belonging surfaces. perhaps, this also reflects our lack of contentment in our own lives, a phenomenon that often occurs.

so what do we do when this someone appears? do we start building a relationship? do we maintain communicating with this person at the acquaintance level? or do we even bother doing anything?

it’s the wee hours in the morning and i’m no longer sure if i’m sane when writing this post.

a haiku to sum up my babbling…

beneath the colours
lies an affection that stirs
a magnum opus?

Published in: on Monday, June 11, 2007 at 1:42 am  Comments (8)  
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enjoyable, yet disturbed

had a rather great time in hong kong, though the weather was generally hot. all the shopping, walking, family bonding, partying at disneyland, etc. Faith’s really grown a lot. we all cherished our time spent with her during this vacation. the only problem we had with her was she wanted to be carried most of the time. guess she wanted to build the hercules in the two of us. 🙂

went to shenzhen (china) on wednesday for a day’s tour. other than the fact that we were ‘conned’ into various ‘unchartered’ locations, i must mention that this trip and my stay in hong kong had offered me some sights that made me think. you see, the backdrop of hong kong (and shenzhen) is often made up of short, old, run-down houses and tall, modern, well-built skyscrapers. this contrast of old and new, poor and rich, couldn’t be described in any way. and this contrast could be seen amongst the people on the streets too. one scene in shenzhen, in particular, will stay in my mind for quite a while. as we were walking up an overhead bridge, we saw this woman carrying a sleeping baby and sitting on the floor. she was picking and eating some discarded rice from an overturned garbage bin. i did not feel for her, to be honest. but my heart ached when i saw the baby. perhaps i have a girl myself and i know the needs of a child. i couldn’t imagine how this mother could meet her baby’s needs. i really felt and still feel sad for the young life. 😦

equality in the human race is just a myth. this, i acknowledge. but what can we do to minimise this inequality? we have people finding food from bins. we have p hilton getting away with a mysterious medical condition. we have african children walking around carrying fatal viruses. we have others splurging on lavish wedding celebrations. we…?

but of course, i’m probably looking at what’s obvious to the eyes. perhaps, deep inside every heart there is a soul that can be satisfied easily. all this soul needs is a rare gem called…


Hell to those who despise
For they know not what we need
We may not have them all
But we do have each other
Which means so much more
Than what this freaking world
Could barely offer

You are all i care
You are all i have
You are all i need
And that’s fucking so enough


    and this is what i seriously need to cultivate in my own life.

Published in: on Sunday, June 10, 2007 at 2:10 am  Comments (3)  
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will leave for hong kong in a few hours’ time with my family. will probably have no chance to blog. see you all in a while. 🙂

Published in: on Sunday, June 3, 2007 at 9:44 pm  Comments (6)  

never again

just bought another gadget. a new samsung pda phone named i600. blame it on nokia. you see, i sent my nokia phone (5300) for repair (i don’t want to elaborate on the problem of which i wasn’t at fault). but the after-sales service was really bad. it took them more than 2 weeks to fix my phone. and i had to call personally to check the repair status. (and there were more frustrations with their service…don’t want to talk about it anymore.) i picked up my repaired nokia and went somewhere half an hour later to have it traded for my samsung phone. i told myself no more nokia for the rest of my life.

still exploring my new samsung. hope that it will serve me well.

Published in: on Sunday, June 3, 2007 at 12:51 am  Comments (4)  
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remembering those who suffered

the blood that splattered
speaks for the crux that matters –
oozed kinship atter

Published in: on Saturday, June 2, 2007 at 1:29 am  Leave a Comment  


i’m sitting here wondering what’s my purpose of blogging. is it just an opportunity to pen my thoughts and writings before they disappear from my mind completely? am i really trying to become THE writer in due course? or is this slowly becoming a silent killing addiction that is masking extremely well something detrimental lying beneath? surely it can’t be that doubting thomas’ spirit is playing tricks on my mind. and i want to believe that what i’m doing here does carry some weight in both my life and others’ lives. now i’m not even sure if i’m talking sense here. in any case, i’ll still continue blogging despite my wonderment.

Published in: on Friday, June 1, 2007 at 9:34 am  Comments (5)  
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That was all I asked for
You told me I would get it

First day
You said you had a gruelling night
Second day
You said you had forgotten about it
Third day
You said the weather forecast wasn’t good

It went on and on and on
And that day never came

Differences were there for all to see
But I chose to hang on
I chose to have faith
I chose to believe

That was all I asked for
You told me I would get it

Fourth day
You said you were on duty
Fifth day
You said your health had failed
Sixth day
I said forget it

Once bitten twice shy
Only a fool like me was blind

Similarities were there for all to see
Now I chose to take off
I chose to have faith
I chose to believe

That is all I ask for
He tells me I will get it

First day
We enjoy sunrise

And I wonder
Will you ever have sunrise?

Published in: on Thursday, May 31, 2007 at 2:59 pm  Comments (2)  
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they, you and i

you were there
with me on the way up
you were talking
when I planted it
they came together
it was only awhile
but they were great
they felt really sensational
you were stunned
speechless for a moment
did I confess it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

you were there
ever charming from a distance
you were talking
when i could just observe
we never really came together
it was quite awhile
they looked great
they seemed really luscious
i was close to being stunned
speechless for a moment
did I wish it?
i could no longer be sure
did you bear the same?
you could no longer be sure

all i know
that the one next to me
will never be you

Published in: on Wednesday, May 30, 2007 at 5:08 pm  Comments (9)  
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the girl at the window

who’s that girl
at the window?
i don’t like the way
she looks at me.
i’m trying hard
to concentrate here.
am I doing
something wrong here?
please, mum,
tell her to go away.
the girl at the window,
she’s scaring
the wits out of me.

who’s that girl
at the window?
i don’t like the way
she looks at you either.
concentrate and
don’t be bothered yet.
no, you are not doing
something wrong here.
please, son,
chew up the man’s brain now.
the girl at the window,
we’re going
to finish her up after this.

Published in: on Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 9:49 pm  Comments (7)  

what canterbury soul needs (no jokes, please)

following the footsteps of goodthomas, minx, maht, i’ve done a google search on “canterbury soul needs”. This is fun. Here are the results:

Canterbury Soul needs to suck it up and give the ball to Yao.
(Hey, I don’t like doing favours, besides, it’s not my fault Yao couldn’t reach the ball. He’s a bloody giant, you know.)

Canterbury Soul needs his dvds, pills.
(If only someone gives me more money to get those Grace Kelly dvds. And no, I don’t need pills. I need bills to wither my wealth. Damn it!)

Canterbury Soul needs to beef up his wardrobe.
(This is so true. Whenever I put on my smart long-sleeves at school, they always ask why. I tell them I have nothing else to pick in the mornings.)

Canterbury Soul needs to go away for a long time.
(Not so true. I love my wife and daughter too much to leave. Unless I can take them to the world of Barnia, as according to my students’ imagination, where its citizens, aptly named Barneys, greet you, “Bood borning! Bow bo bou bo?” and swear with words like, “Boh bhit! Bi brewed bit bup bagain!”)

Canterbury Soul needs to sharpen his game a la paris hilton
(What game? Taping myself in bed? Recording an album when I can’t sing? Posing for Guess? Come on, what’s so great about her that I have to follow her suit? Her final destination is almost like mine. Just that I’m going up and she’s…?)

Canterbury Soul needs to do to regain his form tonight.
(I struggled a bit last night…and it took me awhile before releasing my full load. Yes, I need to get it right tonight before I even dream of beating Nadal on clay. What? I thought we are talking about tennis?)

Canterbury Soul needs to eventually reach 8 apg in order to keep his teammates involved as he should.
(No idea what this is. But I know there is no ‘i’ in the word ‘team’.)

Canterbury Soul needs his teammates in order to be successful.
(What did I say earlier?)

Canterbury Soul needs to continue making strides in helping his team win.

Canterbury Soul needs to complete lines 1, 13-19. and 21 on the front of form 503 to claim his refund.
(What a ****! So much trouble for the puny amount of 20 cents doesn’t speak well for the ministry for good-for-something politicians.)

Canterbury Soul needs surgery to repair a herniated disc and will miss the rest of the season.
(Thank goodness, this isn’t happening to me really. The doctors have confirmed that my condition is much less serious. Just a non-permanent brain damage.)

Canterbury Soul needs to go to confession.
(I have tons of confessions. Which one to start with? Ok, I confess I had dreamt of being the no.1 blogger of all time.)

Canterbury Soul needs a head coach for varsity softball and assistant coaches for varsity boys and girls basketball, boys water polo and girls tennis.
(I need a billionaire sponsor for my academy of sports, seriously. Mr Gates, are you interested?)

Canterbury Soul needs to go.
(Where to?)

Canterbury Soul needs to go because trust me, he will not accept his diminished role without some level of negativity.
(Oh, have I been replaced here at “doors left open”?)

Canterbury Soul needs to be gone too.
(Does the world really want me gone completely?)

Canterbury Soul needs to hire a public relations rep as soon as possible.
(Looking at the way I communicate with fellow bloggers, I have to strongly agree.)

Canterbury Soul needs to grow up.
(I swear I’m not under 18.)

Canterbury Soul needs both funds as well as national exposure.
(Will anyone sponsor me to but my blog on TV?)

Canterbury Soul needs to put he’s ego aside.
(I always thank God I’m a humble person. Don’t believe me? Check my name tag on my chest: “The Most Humble Man on Earth”. I have no ego.)

Canterbury Soul needs emergency medical treatment.
(Looking at the amount of trash written here, I think I need it now.)

Canterbury Soul needs more room.
(This really is subjective. I don’t know how to respond here.)

Canterbury Soul needs to take more of a leadership role.
(I plan to take Bucephalus and lead my army of words to conquer Asia first!)

Canterbury Soul needs Margot because, as Margot herself has accurately observed, he could not find another wife if Margot were to leave him.
(Margot, you are so damned wrong. I’ve gone on to find another three wives.)

Canterbury Soul needs help for 40 homeless cats.
(Quick someone! Before I put them all in Bucephalus’ den.)

Published in: on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 1:42 pm  Comments (6)  

the original

i made a blunder when writing the poem for Bucephalus. Seamus had actually set a 48-word limit to the poem or prose for each lion. i missed that part and went on writing one with over 150 words. i then spent some time editing the original and came up with the 48-word piece now published on the sidebar. brevity is a virtue i don’t have, so it was tough.

but Seamus was encouraging. he said i should publish my original piece for my lion, recognising the fact that the effort should not be wasted. i agreed and here’s the first one (if you are interested):


The greatest animal of antiquity
Could only serve and die for
The greatest ruler of mankind
Alexander the Great

Dead and buried
At Jalalpur Sharif
The gods of the heavens
Have eternal designs
No man would grasp
As they stirred
The soul and spirit
Who had battled, trampled, bitten
Foes of the sovereign Macedon
And has it resided
In the regal body
Of the bona fide king of animals –

A lion
That reflects strength in unity
Power in community
Through the faces of all on earth

Fear no more of
Thy shadow and nemesis
For thou has yet
Another grand master
In the mould
Of a certain Canterbury Soul
Whose daily rewards for thee
Are immense and sure –
Poetry in the morn
Caress beneath the mane
Fruits that gratifies
Protection guarded with honour

So, go forth and fight with the Soul
Serving faithfully
Preparing to die valiantly
Just as thou had done at Hydaspes

notice the changes made. quite drastic…and the meaning’s different. i like both, each with its own purpose.

i’ve done my part for my lion and the circle. i certainly hope Bucephalus will continue to shine here and in the circle.

how about you? have you adopted a lion? 🙂

Published in: on Monday, May 28, 2007 at 9:12 am  Comments (2)  
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Lion Adopted

Seamus at Shameless Words has invited people to adopt one of his 48 lions. He has stated his purpose very clearly. I have chosen one unique-looking lion and named it “Bucephalus” for obvious reasons. As required by Seamus, I have put up the lion’s photograph and written a poem inspired by the beast (refer to the sidebar, just in case). Go visit Shameless Words if you are as intrigued as I was.

Published in: on Saturday, May 26, 2007 at 11:28 pm  Comments (6)  
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students’ support

i have several students who love to write. two of them have started to post their writings on blog sites after some encouragement. perhaps you can go visit them and give them your comments on their writings. they are only 12-year-old kids, so don’t be too harsh on them. their language might not be fantastic yet, but we should applaud them for having the love for writing. Here they are:

gan zi qing @

edwin @

Published in: on Thursday, May 24, 2007 at 5:47 am  Comments (2)  
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Meme of Eight

I’ve been tagged. Jason has kindly tagged me to share 8 random facts of myself. I’ll do it here, hoping that you guys out there will get to know me a little more. But before presenting the facts, here are the rules for the meme:

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their 8 things and post these rules.

3. At the end choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and to read your blog.

Brevity is a virtue which I barely possess. So pardon me, please.


When we bought our miniature Maltese a few years back, we promptly named her Fiji. F and J are the initials of our names respectively.

We also agreed that we would name our offspring according to the initials of our names. Hence our firstborn is Faith. The second one would start with J. Have toyed with Justyn or Jeremiah (the weeping prophet) if it’s a boy. No idea for a girl yet.

Actually when I was still studying many years ago, I thought of having a daughter named Isabel and a son named Oliver.

The Feather

My mother told me that when I was little I was always forbidden to enter the kitchen. Maybe she didn’t want me to learn her butcher skills. But I never obeyed her which left her with serious migraine. But one fine day, she realised that I had not entered the kitchen the whole morning. After doing some forensic work in and out of the kitchen, she discovered my nemesis – a chicken feather (from the feather duster). It had been lying right on the path to the kitchen. Then, she experimented with the feather the next day. It worked. I shunned the kitchen. Life became a bed of roses for her ever since.

Yo-yo and the Miracle

My secondary school education (aged 13 to 16) was similar to that of the swing of a yo-yo in terms of academic results. After acing Mathematics at primary school, I went on to flunk it in my first year in secondary school – 33/100. By the end of year 1, I had bounced back meekly. Year 2 was first a success, then a failure due to complacency. Year 3 started disastrously and the failing grades went on till Year 4, the graduating year (GCE ‘O’ levels). By the middle of the last year, I had flunk most of my subjects with a total aggregate of 32 (the passing mark was 20). After that fateful period, I decided to pull up my socks and work out my miracle. And it came…I managed to climb out of the bottomless pit and achieve distinctions in several subjects, including Mathematics. I think I aced the ‘O’ levels.


I admit. I’m a sucker for tear-jerking movies. Movies that have made me weep uncontrollably. Some examples are “Beaches”, “Patch Adams” and even “Titanic” (pathetic, I know…I watched it 4 times in the theatres). But I have to mention one of my all-time favourites – a Korean romance called “Il Mare” (something which Hollywood went on to adapt shamelessly in the mould of “The Lake House”). If you haven’t watched it, I strongly recommend it. The love birds fell in love with each other without really seeing each other (something like “Sleepless in Seattle”). The music score is quite fantastic too.

Army Daze

Serving the army is a form of National Service in Singapore. And that is mandatory for all Singaporean males. Well, I must say I had a colourful army life. It started with some basic military training with the infantry unit. I was almost drafted into the brigade scouts company after that. Fortunately the Air Force took me for some flying experience programme. Most of my time was spent at a recruitment centre doing clerical work. The Air Force gave me an invitation to join them as a pilot trainee which I stupidly rejected. I was sent to a combat engineer unit. It turned out to be hellish! When in hell, I applied to be a pilot trainee. After my commanders’ training in hell, I duly joined the Air Force as a pilot trainee. I actually flew some propeller planes, totalling my flight hours to some 10 hours! Then, I failed my first flight exam, and was sent back to the combat engineers. With my rank, I was able to perform the role of recruit instructor. I shouted at the army recruits, ordered them to run and do push-ups, with the noble intention of disciplining. With that, I ended my two-and-a-half years of National Service. Now I’m still an active soldier who is only called upon once a year, performing the role of a Platoon Sergeant.


I like cars. But I’m not a freak or fanatic. Still, I have some dream cars. And, no, they are the Pagani Zondas, the Ferraris or the Lamborghinis. I’m a teacher. I don’t belong to the super rich group.

But some cars I would love to put my hands on include the BMW 7-series, the Mercedes S-Class (perhaps AMG), the Mazda RX-8, the Lexus RX-400, etc.

I used to own a mini-van in a Renault Express. Now I’m driving a Ford Focus saloon. After reading so much of pollution and global warming, I think my next car would be a hybrid one – Honda Civic hybrid or Toyota Prius.

Business Opportunities

I still dream of being my own boss. These are some business ideas:

A shop that sells music records/CDs and books
A tuition centre
An I.T. solutions company
Renting out sleeping space in shopping malls for tired shoppers to take power naps (the Japs and Americans are doing it.)
A business that sells anything that ladies love to buy (this sounds very profitable!)

I think the last option looks the best bet. Ladies don’t mind spending. Am I right?


I have always loved music, and ever since I was 17, I have loved making music too. At 17, I bought my first Yamaha guitar and started playing it. My guitar skills picked up rapidly and before long, I was playing in worship services with Campus Crusade for Christ and churches. I also wrote my own songs (about 31 pieces now).

Some nine years ago, I joined my friend in starting our own band – Water & Wine. We performed at gigs all over the country. I got to play rhythm, bass and lead. I was on vocals for some songs and did backups too. We even got to record one song on a compilation CD. It was quite cool.

After that, my music exploration stops. Finding time to do it has been a challenge. Once in a while, I’ll pick up my guitar and reminisce my glorious days. Sometimes I will also bluff my way through the piano in the school’s music room.

The best that I can do now is to listen to and appreciate music.

Well, I hope I haven’t bored you to tears yet. Any comment about the above-mentioned facts is welcomed.

And now I’m going to tag the following folks for being such…… :

1. Atyllah (before she leaves, or has she? Hey, come back!)
2. Louis
3. Seamus
4. Romance Writer
5. Cave Blogem
6. Wild Guppy
7. Reader’s Words
8. Patty

Published in: on Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Comments (5)  

which words do i own?

Cave Blogem over at Pretty Good on Paper had done several analysis on words used in the blogging community. I had volunteered my blog and he had kindly done some study on my humble lodge here. Amazingly he discovered that I had managed to churn out some 682 new words to his database so far. How he did his analysis or study, I can never fully comprehend. But I have already thanked him profusely for the hard work done.

From his sample of words (and blogs), these are words which only I have used so far:

me only

And here’s how they are compared to his sample of blogs:


He even has his Haiku-generating algorithm. The words are mine, according to him. The arrangement is supposedly almost purely mechanical.

Woeful on the oak,
germs of a paroxysm
recover midfield.

Cave Blogem

If you would like to be a volunteer for his study, please go over there and let him know. I’m sure he’ll be glad to help you.

By the way, Atyllah the Hen is leaving Earth. I think I am sad about it. So if you feel the same way, please go persuade her and tell her that we, the weaklings on Earth, need her mighty power to sustain us. Go, quick!

Published in: on Monday, May 21, 2007 at 9:51 pm  Leave a Comment  
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rather tight and dry

had been rather busy the last couple of days. at work, marking pupils’ exam scripts. left me rather dry at night (most of my writings were born and bred during these hours). so the brain cells couldn’t generate enough to write creatively. this weekend had been spent doing some more marking, and more importantly, relaxing with my two ladies. finally got my laptop – a brand new toshiba A200. watched the boring FA Cup final and Spiderman 2 on TV the last two evenings. absolutely no room for writing. tomorrow’s the beginning of the last work week before the 4-week vacation. plenty to look forward to: rest, play, more work, family time, Hong Kong trip, blogging, etc.

Published in: on Sunday, May 20, 2007 at 10:08 pm  Comments (5)  
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my second entry

Maht over at The Moon Topples had his second fiction-writing competition based on the theme “Growth”. Again, I submitted an entry shamelessly(borrowed from Seamus), hoping to gain more. Again, not totally satisfied with what I wrote, but thought it could be a very brief extract of something longer. Of course, I did not win anything. But I’m really glad that there are such opportunities for unpublished or novice writers like yours truly. The winning entries there are excellent. Go there and enjoy reading. Here’s mine:

The Mission

For the first time in twelve years, Farah could wake up from her slumber seeing the morning sun. She thought she was dreaming initially. She could still distinguish colours. The sky had finally cleared. It looked flawlessly blue. When was the last time I saw blue, she wondered with a faint smile. She checked the monitor that read “31 Jan 2674, 7:06 a.m., Marina, Singapore Sector”.

She pushed the green button. “Sustainability module disarmed,” a voice dictated. She pushed the yellow button. The capsule opened. She raised herself slowly from a horizontal posture and sat. Then with a rather mighty effort, she stood up.

The smell of fresh air exhilarated her and she gave her body a huge stretch. For a minute or two, she just stood there absorbing the rare snowless moment, eyes closed. The heat from the Sun not only warmed her physically, it actually spoke to her heart and soul. There is hope after all, she thought.

Farah opened her eyes and made a visual 360º scan round her capsule. Barring the thick layers of snow, nothing had changed a bit. The Sheares Bridge still stood mightily tall about a mile away. The Esplanade’s unique spiky rooftop still looked comical despite the snowcap it sported. The casino skyscrapers still dominated the whole landscape with their sheer size and millions of glass panes that reflected the sunlight brilliantly.

Then it dawned on her she was standing right in the middle of the snow-caked Singapore River. The storm must have taken her all the way here. She looked around again. She was alone.

She remembered the drill. She stooped and pulled out The Hub from a side compartment of the capsule. She pressed the power button on The Hub. Then, she held it with both her hands and stretched her arms. A purple laser beam scanned her eyes. “Farah Abdullah, T43556777G, female, aged 74. Please proceed,” read the monitor on The Hub. She then positioned The Hub directly above her head. “Scanning brain chip in progress, please do not remove The Hub,” a voice echoed. Seconds later, she could hear The Hub again, “Brain chip scanned. Message sent. Community activated. Please proceed to build community.”

Farah removed The Hub from her head, and kept it in a sling bag. She had the mission in mind. She was not looking forward to it, but she had to do it for the sake of mankind. She stepped out of the capsule and began trudging through the snow on the river.

Barely a minute later, she heard several beeps from The Hub. She took it out and stared at the monitor.

“Lee Teck Hong, T99574112Z, male, aged 17. Location: Raffles, Singapore Sector.”

“Charles Rajandren, T25872144A, aged 24. Location: Bangalore, India Sector.”

“Marco Paldini, T09866352C, aged 80. Location: Naples, Italy Sector.”

“Kevin Jones, T23234098M, aged 45. Location: New York, American Sector.”

Her heart sank when she read the next line, “No other surviving males within The Hub’s radar. Please proceed to build community.”

Published in: on Wednesday, May 16, 2007 at 4:42 pm  Comments (16)  

my take on telling tales

the wonderful minx posted about telling tales and ended with, “Now my tale is done for today, what about yours?”.

so i thought i’ll have my take on that:

unleavened lives dwell
til the day words interweave
and dictate our play

how’s that?

Published in: on Monday, May 14, 2007 at 4:54 pm  Comments (7)  
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lost or found

caught in the middle
of the dry spell that bound tight
harbinger of flood?

Published in: on Sunday, May 13, 2007 at 11:30 pm  Comments (4)  


We are on the edge
Neither of us dares to choose
Let the flip of the coin decide
First flip yours, second flip mine

Eyes closed, fingers crossed
Up, up and away
Palm enclosure
Head it is –

Adversity begets the supremacy of Man

Go on
Live your life

Eyes closed, fingers crossed
Up, up and away
Palm enclosure
Tail it is –

Life is so immaterial that death becomes material

Go on
Lose my life

Guess this is it
Parting has never been easier

Published in: on Thursday, May 10, 2007 at 10:57 pm  Comments (7)  
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Published in: on Wednesday, May 9, 2007 at 10:34 pm  Comments (3)  


Warmth skinned from within
As heaved through the feminine lodge
Solace and darkness so yearned
At fresh flesh genesis fleeced

Frowned upon palpable silence
Under barrages of soul bellow
Innocence’s divine origin
Now ever deflowered ’cross ages

Visions oh so chaste
By minutes gates of foul exposed
Tongues of cherubic nature shunned
To wag the wag’s the pun

Socks worked for agape
Unto self could sure be done
Wise fools’ calculated acumen
In lust trust then shall build

Fruits from trinity raided
With weapon o’ mess destruction dubbed time

Published in: on Tuesday, May 8, 2007 at 11:48 pm  Leave a Comment  

There, There

You can impugn my parents. They gave me the name. But it is a name I’m proud of. It offers me a sense of purpose in life. Confidence is never off my books, and I know I have the looks to supplement it.

“Casanova, eat your breakfast now!” Mum yelled from the kitchen.

“No thanks! I’m running late!” I picked up my Alfred Dunhill suitcase and left quickly.

Life is so magnificent. My loaded parents who run a software engineering firm love me with lots of cash. Promotion at my journalism work is imminent too. The last I heard I am on the way up to VPship. And of course, there are the Melanies and Penelopes and Rachels and Nicoles on weekends at Café del Mar. Money, career, girls……all are under my control. If there is one thing that’s missing, it has to be a driving license – something which I have been trying to acquire the last five years. A driving license coupled with a Ferrari will surely enhance my high society life.

The bus-stop was packed with working professionals, students, etc. I conducted a visual scan around. No, none attractive. Then, the bus arrived. I went with the crowd and boarded it. The commuters were packed like sardines. As I squeezed my way in, I saw her.

She of very pretty eyes, like those you would see in a manga comic. Her straight long hair fell gracefully on her shoulders. Her sharp nose and luscious lips justified the tag ‘beauty’ which was written all over her. Her stylish Calvin Klein outfit screamed for attention. Her bosoms looked full from where I was. And she had this pair of really slim, tender-looking legs. The best part had to be her smile which happened to be directed at me.

I stood next to her. I was hoping that the old man sitting next to her would get off soon. This gorgeous lady looked too rare a gem to be missed. The bus picked up speed as I tried hard to stay balanced amongst the standing crowd. I glanced at her and caught her looking at me. She was smiling very sweetly.

My ego heightened. My confidence grew. I believed I had her attention. I had sent her heart fluttering. If looks could kill, she would have died in my hands there and then. I lowered my head and looked at her. There she was, peeking at me again. This time, her honey-like grin was wider.

There, there. Go easy, I thought. I knew she was mine. I was waiting for the right moment to……

“Excuse me,” she stood, clearly about to alight from the bus. I scrambled to my senses, and realised that time was running out. I must ask for her number. I looked at her and smiled. She was still smiling. I knew I already had her.

“Mister, I don’t mean to be rude. But you forgot to zip your pants,” she spoke gently before walking off the bus.

Published in: on Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 10:31 pm  Comments (5)  

cold coffee

the coffee you made me tonight was cold, really cold

the bleak weather that commenced the twilight of celebration
the unrequited calls that heralded the destiny by dinnertime
the sporadic ripostes that pervaded the tête-à-tête
the desolate gaze that was revealed in the eyes of intimacy
the vociferous hush that sustained itself athwart the table
the callous intention that turned out well expectedly
the sorrowful torrents that matched the storm stride for stride
the desultory oaths that was crafted in the vacuity of love
the deceitful psyche that could veil all transgressions
the nefarious benevolence that metamorphosed wrath into exoneration
the fecund blade that propagated the kernels of condemnation
the final embrace that was cherished in the wee hours of life

the coffee you made me tonight was cold, really cold

Published in: on Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 1:16 am  Comments (4)  


i was going through some Holy Sonnets by John Donne, and i felt ministered. i feel that i have to share this particular one with a powerful message here:

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you
As yet but knock; breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but Oh, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

i don’t think i’ll ever reach Donne’s level in poetry. but i’m glad to have the chance to read his work.

more about John Donne below:

Published in: on Wednesday, May 2, 2007 at 10:27 am  Comments (2)  

greece is the word

as if to give my little girl an early birthday present, my beloved Liverpool had just beaten Chelsea 4-1 on penalties in the Champions League semi-final. ahhh…memories of 2005 come flooding back now. will celebrate my girl’s 2nd birthday on 25th this month…and will probably celebrate Liverpool’s triumph in the final at athens. savoury, savoury!

Published in: on Wednesday, May 2, 2007 at 5:32 am  Comments (4)  
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liked the experience and more coming up

the clarity of night contest was over a few days back. you would probably know by now that my first entry didn’t win anything as expected since it was my first venture into serious fiction. but i think i’ve won some friends. and most importantly, i’ve won some experiences. i really enjoy writing lately. and i enjoy sharing my writing with people who enjoy reading. hopefully my pieces have intrigued and will continue to intrigue them.

anyway, “Moebius” will remain one of my favourite compositions. not just the theme, but also the way i paced the events unconventionally. below are some positive and not-so-positive comments left for “Moebius” over at clarity. i’m flattered by the positive ones and delighted by the ‘confusions’ i’ve caused.

Joni said...

Umm, sorry, you've lost me.

Can someone explain it to me?

I'm usually pretty down with abstract, but this one really isn't connecting.

DonnaG said...

Somebody dreaming about suicide? Shades of "Groundhog Day". Sorry, author, this one leaves me feeling kinda lost.

Scott said...

I was hoping to have it explained in the comments myself. I'm a little lost too.

Nope. Read it again and still don't get it. Is this poetry. At first I thought it was someone in prison, escaping, just below a grate that takes a gargantuan effort to life. Probably too literal. Sorry, I just don't get it.

Nothingman said...

Sweet...interesting read. :)

I get you man, i get you ;)


Scott said...

I should have phrased my comments differently. What I should have asked for was some help to understand. The writing is wonderful, and like poetry, evokes images, even if I don't understand the message. Sorry I wasn't more supportive.

Joni said...

I apologize as well if my comment seemed negative.

I'm intrigued by the words and was hoping someone would help me put together any obvious connections my brain wasn't making.

The writing itself is very good and definite points for originality.

heather said...

i too am lost. but i enjoy it for some reason. i keep coming back to this to re-read it, even thought of it at work tonight. the thing of it is, is that i know it's there just below the surface, i just can't see it cause of the ripples. (the meaning that is)

Minx said...

I liked this treatment CS, it has captured those final, distracted, tortured moments of this person's suicide.

I thank the higher powers that we do not all write in exactly the same way, that we are still free to explore our varied styles and examine our individual interpretations freely. The writing world would be a very dull place without explorers!

September said...

interesting piece, canterbury soul. suicide. very disturbing. you got that across quite well.

jason evans said...

For me, it felt like whirling thoughts trying to pump someone up to commit suicide. It seems to leave open whether the protagonist actually does it. "...dishes and make my wishes" is oddly alluring.

High marks for pacing and entertainment value.

anyway, i have another chance to show my prowess in writing at Maht’s place. His second competition has just started. i’m excited about writing another piece of fiction that will hopefully generate more interests or perhaps controversy. 😉 wish me luck!

Published in: on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 at 1:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

Songs of the Father and His Son



Beholden with deep gratitude
Not knowing the grounds
Of which this grace came to being
An austere life devoid of fanfare
Hallowed nuptials with a gorgeous nymph
Wishing an epoch of gaiety
Along came an unblemished progeny
A gratification that surpasses my own love


Yielded by the heavens
Farmed by the man and woman of old
Pure in the heart
Virtuous in the mind
Nothing in the avenue
To barricade the tender devotion
Reserved for the one
Whose embrace tightens my soul

Published in: on Tuesday, May 1, 2007 at 12:07 pm  Comments (4)  
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The Apostles

The Apostles

The nub of the life
Likens utter compliance
One hegemony

Published in: on Monday, April 30, 2007 at 10:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

Double Doses

“Hi!” he said with a certain intensity.

“Hi!” she uttered, feeling a little nervous.

“Thought I just come by to visit you,” he said, almost losing control.

“Sure. Come on in,” she beamed. She opened the door, paving his way.

He stepped into the house, heaving a silent sigh of relief. Her home was simple, but classy. There was no mess to look at. Everything was in perfect order. Almost, except for a pair of Armani pants hung over a dining chair.

“Can I get you something to drink? Earl grey, perhaps?” she asked in a tone that hinted joy. She disappeared into the kitchen.

“That’ll be fine. Thank you!” he replied, clearly distracted by the pants. He sat on the leather couch, looking a wee bit confused. Wasn’t she supposed to be single? He knew she had a divorce some years back. Her social circle had been pretty confined since. He really never expected a man in her house.

She walked out from the kitchen, holding a silver tray. A teapot with two teacups were placed neatly on it. She sat next to him on the couch. He looked flustered and excited at the same time.

“Am I disturbing you?” he finally blurted out. His heart was beating rapidly, expecting the worst. His eyes still on the dining chair.

“I beg your pardon?” she said. Then she realised it. “Oh…not at all. My boyfriend’s out for the day.”

His fear had been confirmed. His mind was in a swirl. His visions blurred. He had lost her.

“Oh…I think…I should leave now,” he could not put his words together. He wasn’t sure if it was the right response. She appeared surprised.

“No, please don’t leave,” she said, looking anxious. Her hand reached for his. “I like you. I need you to stay.”

He was stunned. Is this some kind of a joke, he thought. She was holding his hand firmly. At that moment, he could feel a very strong sense of love and belonging. Her hand felt extremely warm. He was melting away fast. He looked at her in the eyes. Her soul bared naked at the pupils. He had loved her since the first time he met her.

It was at a teachers’ conference where they both represented their respective schools. They were introduced to each other. Over the course of the three days, they very much stayed together. Over lunch and tea-breaks, and the R & R party. They chatted a lot, very much like they had known each other for years. He was already looking at his soul-mate. At least that was what he had believed.

The urge was coming. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her lips. He wanted to hold her tight and whisper into her ear, “I love you!” He was already losing his mind. To hell with the boyfriend. She needed me. Maybe he had not been treating her seriously enough. Maybe he hadn’t loved her enough. Maybe he had been just like the jerk she got a divorce with. Maybe……It was time for him to confess his love for her.

“Zach, I have something to tell you,” she spoke, thrilled yet calm. “I just discovered that I’m your sister.”

He was dumbfounded.

“Yes, I’m your sister!”

His mind drew a blank.

“Here’s the P.I. report……”

He just sat there.

Published in: on Sunday, April 29, 2007 at 11:29 pm  Comments (8)  
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Look at the beautiful night sky
With the twinkling stars and the elegant moon
It certainly promises much
The cool sea breeze
And the salty smell of humidity
They definitely promise much

How I wish all these had come earlier
You know, we could have really lived happily ever after
We could have realistically grown old together
Pity the human nature is such
That we have our differences
That we could not manage them well enough

Feel the sand around here
The grains are ever so smooth, so fine
Just like how they used to be
Hear the tides rolling in
They sing so merrily in our ears
Bringing back fresh waves of sweet memories

How I wish the human nature is such
Consistent, everlasting and adaptable
That we can be as gay as we want to be
Pity Mother Nature is such
That we’ll always find it a tall order
To keep up with her standard of serendipity

As I observe the contours of your body
As I caress the hardened pounds of muscles
I thank God for the blessings we’d had together
I long to look into your soulful eyes again
I long to kiss your sensual lips again
But I’m just too afraid to face you

She’s calling me now
She’s telling me that there is hope
She’s begging me to turn myself in
Life’s like that, she says
Ups and downs, loss and gain
Health and sickness, life and death

He looked at the beautiful night sky again. With the twinkling stars and the elegant moon, it looked promising. Life could still go on. Do it, she said. He reached for his cellular and made the call. Then, he picked up his lover’s head and stood by the body. He closed his eyes and absorbed her singing voice. He was looking forward to his new life.

The first car arrived. Two of them walked cautiously towards him with their pistols in their hands. He offered no resistance. He was taken into the car as others began their work. With the window halfway up, he could hear one speak to another. “One male body. Still searching for his head.”

Published in: on Saturday, April 28, 2007 at 5:09 pm  Comments (4)  
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my first entry

Jason Evans opened a fiction-writing contest that challenges us to write something of 250 words based on the theme “Endless Hour” and this picture.

Endless Hours

I knew I had to take part in it though I’ve not written many fictions. It’s not so much about the prizes, but the exposure and the learning experience, and hopefully the feedback I get from people round the world. Spent about one and a half hours working on my first competitive entry. Can’t say I’m totally satisfied with it, but quietly delighted that I have written this one, exactly 250.


It’s 10.33 a.m.

I saunter into the kitchen. I stand up.

The end.

It is finished. I’m liberated, irrevocably.

It has been a protracted decision to do it; utterly iniquitous to myself. Vertigo has no meaning now. Sensation is found wanting at my limps. This is it.

In a fraction of a second, I am on top. 40 months of weight-training has primed me for this. I tighten my grasp on the grills.

Please, Lord, help me with my final impetus. I stare at the dishes and make my wishes. I’m now literally on my knees, if you can still spot them. I snigger again. Again the nerve tries to wreck me with pain. The skin just tears. Not as smooth, ’cos it has the v-edges. I pick up another piece and slit across the right one.

I chortle and cast it aside. The nerve tries to wreck me with the weapon, pain. The cut is clean albeit the trace of fluid has flourished. This piece’s appetite has been whetted over a long period and it shows. Almost instantly, my hand swiftly severs the left one.

I need to draw strength from you, Lord, please. I stare at the dishes and make my wishes again. The mind is acting up again. I pick up the pieces and begin to quiver. Please, Lord, give me the courage to complete my task. I stare at the dishes and make my wishes.

I saunter into the kitchen. I stand up.

It’s 10.33 a.m.

Published in: on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 at 12:35 am  Comments (7)  
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woe to me
for i do not comprehend my puny mind
which thought it had all but figured out
knowing right from wrong

love and hate
admiration and disgust
seem to be tiny shades of each other
grey is the colour that dominates

she’s the chief
someone my brain chooses to love and hate
someone my brain loses sanity over
surely me not to be blamed

i yearn for her
yet love to shun her
i’m attracted to her charm
yet puked at her looks

crossroads of nerves
bundles of verves

Published in: on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 at 9:51 am  Comments (3)  
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The Game Plan

Maintain the closure
On sullied garments.
Intersperse sweltering pick-me-up
Onto the foundation of the laundry silo
For it ameliorates absorb pong.

Sort the laundry
Before sluicing
Alleviates attire bear longer.
Secede the frail,
Towels and divan linen or denims
From customary freight.

Curtail attrition
On fashion
By cleansing
And desiccating them
Inside out.

Seal all zippers,
Buttons and bond cords
Prior to swabbing.
This curbs dresses
From receiving kinks in sync.

When rinsing
Dazzling-coloured costume
For the fundamental measure,
Shampoo in frosty tides
And affix half a goblet of salt
That facilitates
Establish the insignia
To the recurring cycle.

When drying,
Ensure pins and lines
Are virtuous
To avert infamy
On outfit.
Steep dowels
In sultry lathered fluid
To eradicate filth and muck.

Situate a diminutive dish
In laundry locale
To amass ancient history
From receptacles.

Published in: on Saturday, April 21, 2007 at 12:26 am  Comments (3)  

six sentences

I came across this unique blog recently. There, you are invited to write anything in six sentences. There is a huge collection of six-sentence pieces of which many are excellent. Your humble servant here took a shot at writing one too, and it has just been published. Do go there and take a look, and perhaps, you could give me your comments on my not-so-clever piece.

Published in: on Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 10:51 pm  Comments (2)  

back on track

my lady and i had gone to see a specialist on thyroid. as long as we manage the condition well, having a second child is not a problem. the only problem is that this condition can be inherited. at least, it’s not a major illness. it can be controlled in several ways. one good thing came out of this condition though: my lady has slimmed down.

i’m glad to be back blogging. feel kind of rusty though. the brain hasn’t worked creatively yet. it has been busy at work almost to full-load. so it’ll take quite sometime before i could churn out another couple of masterpieces here.

have been working about 12 hours a day from Mondays to Fridays. tiring but satisfying too. not sure if this is really what i want in the long run. time spent with family, especially the little one, has been compromised somewhat during the weekdays. so really cherish my weekends now.

as for the 14-minute question, i’m still working on it.

Published in: on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 at 10:48 pm  Comments (5)  
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The King and I

Solomon’s fallen
For all his foolish brilliance
Where is my solace?

Published in: on Monday, April 16, 2007 at 12:19 am  Comments (3)  
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a question

after learning about my lady’s condition(which apparently is hereditary) and getting inspired by my “14 minutes” post, i asked a question, “What would I do if I’m left with only 14 minutes to live?” i shall hibernate and think about it.

The vulnerability of human beings is subtly revealing itself so much that it is no longer a joke. C.S.

Published in: on Thursday, April 5, 2007 at 10:11 pm  Comments (6)  
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it is

Thyroid, it is. Though expected after much research ourselves, she still cried. Not so much that she will suffer, but she’s concerned that it might affect our plan for a second child. Doc assured us that if the condition is managed properly, conceiving is not a problem. But first we requested to see a specialist who will probably work with our gynae and advise us if having another child is fine. It might take a year or two of medication, or even more. About 50% of the patient could recover early. A number of uncertainties if you ask me. We’ll wait till Monday when we see the specialist.

Not in the mood to write here now. Will take a short break from blogging.

Thank you all for your warm support! I never thought I could have a circle of friends in the community here.

Will catch up soon!

Really, thank you!

Published in: on Thursday, April 5, 2007 at 5:10 pm  Comments (3)  
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keeping our fingers crossed

my lady went for a blood test today. the doc suspected a thyroid problem. will only know the result tomorrow morning. we hope it’s negative.

Published in: on Wednesday, April 4, 2007 at 10:23 am  Comments (6)  
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Humor ’tis been taught
An armor that masks sorrow
Tumor old man laughs

(a feeble attempt inspired by Maht and his haiku)

Published in: on Tuesday, April 3, 2007 at 9:48 am  Comments (5)  
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14 minutes

8.59 p.m.
Tonight, I really had a wonderful time spent with you.

I’m not very good with words. I just know that my feelings for you have grown stronger by the seconds. As I walked you home, I wanted to tell you how I sincerely feel for you and how much I want to be with you.

But summoning my courage has proven more arduous than anything else I’ve done. I was too weak to do it.

I could only bid you farewell.

9.06 p.m.
Now, I want to make it right. I wish to have another opportunity to try again. I’m nervous, but hopeful and excited. Yes, I think I must be honest with you.

9.11 p.m.

12th minute

I wanted to make it right.

I wished to have another opportunity to try again.

I was nervous, but hopeful and excited.

Yes, I thought I ought to be honest with you.

9.13 p.m.
Now I understand what it means to “seize the moment”.

Now, I could only bid you farewell.

Published in: on Monday, April 2, 2007 at 10:55 pm  Comments (10)  
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The Paroxysm of Rage and Laughter

Troubles indeed
Self-control has lost its navigation
Sensibility has been thoroughly
Vanquished and undone
By a certain Mr Circumstances
Whose circumcision has rendered him
Resume the tyranny of time and space
Poor, poor old master
Resigning to have his fate
Condemned to eternity
Not knowing which outburst to abide by
Anger, amusement, fury, hilarity
Laughter, mirth, rage, wrath
If only mortal could innovate
If only divine could intervene
This paroxysm might just cease, perchance

Published in: on Sunday, April 1, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Comments (2)  
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till life do us part

your words convinced me
your love warmed me
your actions melted me
your sacrifices nailed me
you were meant for me
    so, it really puzzles me
    why you didn’t do it, for me
    why you didn’t put in effort, for me
    why you didn’t trust your faith, for me
    why you didn’t insist on showing the way, for me
well, i guess this is it
you have crossed the path
i’m left behind
you have reached the destiny
i’m stuck to doom
    pardon me for asking
    did we say, “till life do us part”?
Published in: on Saturday, March 31, 2007 at 11:57 pm  Comments (2)  
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two lessons i learnt this week:

lesson no. 1

It isn’t what we can do
That creates an impression.
It is what we can’t do
That does the job.

half-full or half-empty?

lesson no. 2

We spend most of our time
Thinking of what we could have done
Instead of what we actually have done.


Dewdrops of grief and glee
The path to Normandy
Sizzling ashes of glory

40 torrential days and nights
Hub of the soul that bites
Wishes deprived of rights

Dagger of slain Duncan
War cry, trumpets and siren
Rays of light that darken

Terminal point of more returns
Desperation crashes and burns
Probe to call nature’s turns

Weight perceived as dodo’s bill
Posts signed with comic chill
ABC of nought or nil

Fluid form of healing stone
Rests that tag and hone
Novocaine that huffs the tone

Sand that dunes the face
Tinted grey of cells that pace
Long lost gods of Hercules’ grace

Laps that round and bound
Tasks of hound and pound
Rats with sound of ground

The passion of criminal act
Certainties to a soulful pact
Upstarts that rise to fact

Kimberly’s vow to last the trip
Sir Paul sworn to bud the nip
Father of love could taste a sip

Youthful does that prance
Hot-blooded stamens that chance
Budding essence that looks askance

Innocence diminishing with time
World of wonders not all but a dime
Image of him who speaks in mime

Published in: on Tuesday, March 27, 2007 at 11:44 pm  Comments (4)  
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in the mood for more

he did it again. bright eyes a.k.a. conor oberst made me tear again with his heart-wrenching number “poison oak”…

the sound of loneliness makes me happier…

(video from theaals)

Poison Oak

Poison oak, some boyhood bravery
When a telephone was a tin can on a string
And I fell asleep with you still talking to me
You said you weren't afraid to die

In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes
Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer?
I don't think that I ever loved you more

Then when you turned away
When you slammed the door
When you stole the car
And drove towards Mexico
And you wrote bad checks
Just to fill your arm
I was young enough, I still believed in war

Well, let the poets cry themselves to sleep
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam

But me I'm a single cell
On a serpents tongue
There's a muddy field where a garden was
And I'm glad you got away
But I'm still stuck out here
My clothes are soaking wet
From your brother's tears

And I never thought this life was possible
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for

The end of paralysis
I was a statuette
Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench
And when I press the keys
It all gets reversed
The sound of loneliness makes me happier

i’m really melancholic at this moment. i’m in the mood for tears. any other songs you could recommend now?

Published in: on Monday, March 26, 2007 at 6:26 pm  Leave a Comment  
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The Real Need

A wider mind
A greater capacity
A larger library
A bigger world
Will do the trick
For us to enjoy them
To the fullest
But I suspect
We need
A timeless life
To do the same trick

(inspired by Susan’s insatiable appetite)

Published in: on Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 1:11 am  Comments (11)  

block blocked

the block
that blocks
the block’s attempt
to blog
must be blocked
or the block’s attempt
to blog
will be blocked
thus blocking
the block’s desire
to share
but the fact that
the block’s blog
now looks blocked
shows that the block
is suffering from a block
as the block has no answer
to the block

(utterly woeful, i know)

Published in: on Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Comments (4)  

obsessive-compulsive disorder?

i was having a meeting with my colleagues and leader this afternoon. someone mentioned something about compulsive disorder in one student. the rest started joking about their different mild compulsive disorder. intrigued, i searched for ‘compulsive disorder’ on the net. found that there is really such a condition except that it is properly termed ‘obsessive-compulsive disorder‘ or ocd (remember jack nicholson’s role in ‘as good as it gets’?). after reading about it, discovered that this is a rather common condition. then i realise that i, too, have some traits of ocd. perhaps the rest of you also have some similar traits which we can know here. send me a mail if you have some interesting or unique traits, and with your permission, i can publish them here.

allow me to start (albeit mine are probably very trivial and mild):

canterbury soul
* minutes after lying in bed, will get up to check if the main door is locked
* after walking some distance from my car, will walk back to check if the car doors are locked
* will wash my hands after touching every thing (big or small) deemed unclean (and yes, i wash my hands after putting on my shoes)

Oh I am totally OCD–phobia of germs, phobia of touching shopping carts and handrails and handholds on the subway. I don’t like when people sneeze, and I also pick my hands and feet on a regular basis. It’s awful! I’m sure there’s more that I do.

susan abraham
Yes, I admit…I admit. Me too…
But not at the moment…
Before yes, once or twice. A phase.
Thank God, it wasn’t constant.
Checking for running water from taps…or lights.
At night, in bed.
Did I turn off the tap? Did I turn off the lights? That kind of thing.

I have a reusable bag that I bought from my local supermarket. After using it I fold it carefully and put it back in the little pouch it comes with. As I did this absently one day I watched as my colleagues eyes bugged out and became flabbergasted before one finally burst out: “What the fuck are you doing?” Who knows what other crazy little things I do without thinking about it. Although I do wear matching underwear ALL the time. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that though. OCD is called TOC in France.

I’m the same. I go to bed and then have to get up again to check if I’ve switched off everything and that the doors are all locked. As for germs, I have to wash my hands as soon as I get home. Imagine all those germs you can catch on public transport! I also wipe the bottom of my shoes with anti-bacterial wipes.

gingermiss offers some important lessons of ocd. Please read…


Published in: on Wednesday, March 21, 2007 at 6:27 pm  Comments (5)  

on all ears

what have I been listening to recently? almost lost count of them. here are my most recent more than decent spins which I splurged on (in alphabetical order):

1. the devil and god raging inside me ~ brand new (a rather refreshing look at rock…caught them at a listening post at hmv)

2. digital ash in a digital urn & noise floor ~ bright eyes (always a talented lyrical songster…one of my favs)

3. the crane wife ~ the decemberists (you can only like them after listening to them more than five times…excellent!)

4. ys ~ joanna newsom (much talked about and many people’s album of the year…had to agree with them after getting hooked by this very unique lady)

5. veneer ~ josé gonzález (had been waiting for this for a long time after hearing him with zero 7…finally got it at a premium price at hmv…masterfully good music)

6. these streets ~ paolo nutini (a new kid with some catchy tunes…again knew him through hmv)

7. throw down your arms ~ sinead o’connor (irish lass whose genre seems to have taken a turn…reggae?)

8. seven swans ~ sufjan stevens (after listening to his much-touted illinois, decided to grab all his albums…’tis the second one…another fantastic release)

Published in: on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 at 11:47 pm  Comments (5)  


I had wished to cry myself to sleep

I felt wonderfully sad
So I thought why not tear my sleep

How brilliantly foolish I was
To think ’twas easy to shed tears before sleep

I had to toil languidly
Hoping to have my desire satisfied at sleep

But my successful failure
Questioned the degree of my woe prior to my sleep

Self-pity I’m not
Now I’ll be tragically delirious to get some sleep

I had wished to cry myself to sleep

Published in: on Monday, March 19, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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in me

there is a giant in me
bidding his time
to reveal all his prowess

there is a dwarf in me
fearing his time
to expose all his vulnerabilities

Published in: on Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 11:51 pm  Comments (3)  

ditch it? no way!

I was rather surprised when I came across this article. I know that English Language has undergone changes in the modern world. But never in my right frame of mind would I discard or disregard the dictionary. To me, it has been my personal friend and teacher. Without it, I would never be the present me. It hones my language capabilities. It defines who I am.

Ditch the dictionary: British think-tank
LONDON: The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) should no longer be the main authority on the English language because it does not keep pace with today's rapid linguistic changes, a report said on Thursday.

Left-wing think-tank Demos said the OED should be replaced by a website -- that would allow English-speaking members of the public from Britain and abroad to contribute their own words and definitions.

The report's co-author, Sam Jones, said an online dictionary similar to the user-generated Internet encyclopaedia Wikipedia was needed to track the pace of language change and the influence of non-native speakers on it.

"English can no longer be seen as a single language, but more as a family of languages," he said. "Each of these reflects the different ways people experience the world.

"Such variation is now as much part of the English language as is grammar and word order. The problem is that it is rarely seen as such.

"As the world becomes more and more connected, accommodating different forms of English will be crucial to building the cultural literacy we need."

He added: "(The website) would be a more valid reflection of the English language than that of the Oxford English Dictionary."

The OED, which is compiled by a team of lexicographers with contributions from "readers" around the world, has been "the last word on words" for more than a century and is one of the greatest works of scholarship.

The latest print version covers 20 volumes, has 21,730 pages and 291,500 entries from across the English-speaking world, plus etymologies, pronunciations and spelling variations.

Chief editor John Simpson welcomed Demos's contribution, but denied the OED was a prescriptive rather than a descriptive reference work.

"Demos are trading on a rather outdated caricature of the Oxford English Dictionary. We don't regulate English -- we describe it," he said.

"Nowadays the OED is online, accessed regularly all over the world, and its entries trace many varieties of English that now form the language.

"As it happens, our latest update today includes our entry for wiki, but for 150 years the OED has been based on a collaborative model of gathering information from readers everywhere.

"In addition, we search huge databanks recording a cross-section of the many forms of English used today." - AFP/ir


In lending my undying support, I’ve written a little something dedicated to the dear Mr Dictionary:

A Tribute to the Lexicon

Oh how I yowl for
The entity that has
Millions of souls bow
In meekness
And in awe
Of its opulence
That speaks more hushed
Than a mute

He doesn’t warrant
The call to dig the grave
For his demise
Considering the exceptional work
He has accomplished
Since the days of the soothsayers
Who wouldn’t even dare
Casting his death in stone back then

Lexis foul or fair
He educates
And offers raison d’être
Living lives meaningfully
Which makes lexicography
An extremely worthwhile basis
Of the glorious pursuit

Woe to those whose shallow minds
Are only deep enough
To stir up unrest
Amongst the imps of Formicidae
Woe to those whose blunt tongues
Are only sharp enough
To pierce through
The hearts of the Emblems and Purebloods

Oh how I moan for His Majesty

Published in: on Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Comments (4)  

Helena’s Note

I was naïve
To think that I’d be cherished
I was foolish
To believe that I was the special one
I thought
I was brought into this world
As a result of a conscientious effort of love
I’d never imagine
That I was a reluctant and unexpected mistake
I could never tell
That grudges and resentment and worse would follow
That my name was conveniently given
Because the spot where you and you whored
Was under the neon sign ‘Helena’s Bar’

Of course I was too infantile to comprehend
The stress, the mental abuse and the physical torture
You and you contributed
All I could do was cry instinctively after every hurt
But when I began to make sense of this world
You and you added on to my already battered soul and bruised body
You labelled me the seed of the bastard
You called me the wasted product of the slut
You and you took turns to inflict psychological and corporeal wounds
And the only thing I could do each time was to weep
Was I capable of other things?

I honestly attempted seeing the positives of life
I genuinely trusted the friendly souls in my circle
(Of which you and you were never in)
I quietly admired the relationships fostered
I rather bitterly envied the beautiful experiences witnessed
I was beginning to realise
That the world out there is worth waiting for
That the people out there are worth living for
That perhaps I could count on the person God
That painstakingly I must grow up

You and you intervened again
Except that this time
You and you went beyond all that you had done
You and you decided on my destiny
I guess I’d owed both of you too much
To delay my payment

I’ve paid the price
Not my choice
But your choice
And your choice
Which leaves me with only one question

The bastard whose desire couldn’t be contained
All you needed was a shot to impress
But it turned out to be a shot that killed yourself
I became your thorn in the throat constantly
Your target of explicit langauge
And your object of itch
Have you ever loved me?

The slut whose invitation to all couldn’t be resisted
All you wanted was attention and love
But what you got was attention and lust
I became your pain in the ass continuously
Your punchbag of fury and frustration
And your article of shame
Have you ever loved me?

I was commanded to honour you and you
Honour you and you I shall
But I always wanted to know
Have you ever loved me?
It is just a simple question
I guess I won’t know the answer, will I?

Published in: on Wednesday, March 14, 2007 at 12:59 am  Comments (3)  
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Matthew has a unique blog that accedes to anybody’s request for a self-portrait. Here’s his take on mine, “an agile, quick and smart animal with a penchant for big mansions”.

an agile, quick and smart animal with a penchant for big mansions

Thanks, Matt!

Published in: on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 at 4:32 pm  Comments (3)  
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    above it all
    asian allure
    modern lines
    classic curves
    infinite possibilities
    eclectic reinvention
    sophiscated sensuality
    extravagance and performance
    cook up an italian dream
    dance with imagination
    make the difference
    live with passion
    find sanctuary
    look east
    cut above the rest
Published in: on Monday, March 12, 2007 at 11:53 pm  Comments (2)  

The Hill Song

Had none to build
None liked to blend
Really ugly?
Pecked at will
Chortled at bill
So forlorn, so despondent
Done wrong?
Cold treatment’s mere understatement
What’s vertical, what’s horizontal?
What ought to be altered?
    Dry spell passes without fanfare
    Grasping in next to no time
    Dawdling transformation but surely
    That magical moment
    Soaring loftily
    Physical repugnance no more!
    Being beautiful being
    Cloud nine colonisation
    Revolutionised life!
    At long last!
Published in: on Monday, March 12, 2007 at 12:57 am  Comments (2)  
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If we can run away from the truth,
We can’t be too far from the lie.
If we can be right choosing right from wrong,
We can’t be wrong choosing wrong from right.
If we can say love makes the world,
We can also say love breaks the world.
If we can be rich poor souls,
We can also be poor rich souls.
If we can be strong enough to accept the ironies of life,
We can be weak enough to ignore the ironies of life.

Published in: on Friday, March 9, 2007 at 1:18 am  Comments (4)  

poor girl

Faith has fallen sick. After a rather nasty fall which had her lip cut (leading to two ulcers) last Friday, she now has a runny nose and teary eyes, and a little phlegm in the throat. Jennifer took a day’s leave to take Faith to the doctor who found a little ear infection as well. Our girl has succumbed to a virus. When I saw her after work, she was still energetic despite all the discomfort. But my heart ached (still aching) when I saw her sniffing her nose and rubbing the thick tear stains from her eyes. I really pray that the medication that she’s on now will work wonders fast. Pray with me, won’t you?

Published in: on Wednesday, March 7, 2007 at 11:04 pm  Comments (2)  
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work, sanity

work makes sanity
work breaks sanity

sanity makes work
sanity breaks work

work is sanity

sanity isn’t work



embrace both?
or cast one aside?

Published in: on Wednesday, March 7, 2007 at 7:54 am  Leave a Comment  
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Heavens, haloes, harps
Angels with wings in white robes
If this is what I get eternally
I’ll call for a revolution
When I get there

Cash, cars, condominiums
Chicks with boots in 3-piece suits
If this is what I get eternally
I’ll ram my automobile into all rogues and jerks
Just to get there

Fury, flaming furnace
Demons with pitchforks in charred skins
If this is what I get eternally
I’ll look up to Him, read His word, utter prayers
’Cos I don’t wanna get there

Crowns, crowns, crowns
Selfless souls with agape love in His image
If this is what I get eternally
I’ll have faith in Him and live His purpose
Knowing I’ll get there

Talk is cheap
Deed is deep
My choice?

Published in: on Sunday, March 4, 2007 at 11:38 am  Comments (3)  

i’m thankful

dear friend,

i’m writing this to you because i’m thankful
and i can’t wait to share my joy with you

i’m thankful to my beloved homeland
i’ll always be
for the national security we have
for the vast riches given to us
for the fact that we belong to the most powerful nation on earth
i’m even more thankful for the education i was put through
because without it, i’ll never know simple but cold, hard facts such as these:

utah is one heck of a country that is on par with ugoslavia and utopia
those guys from jerusalem shared the same religion as the saudis
we beat the shit out of those japanese in the vietnam war
and fidel castro? he is the bloke who won the latin idol 30 years ago
a triangle has 4 sides
we are powerful enough to supply our money to the folks in england and their queen
north korea is 15 times bigger than their southern neighbours
the possessed girl in ‘exorcist’ has a brother who is the primer minister of u.k.
john glenn landed on the moon first
there is only one kidney in a human body
everyone on earth is fearing that the 4th world war might come soon
star wars is an epic movie made based on real events
judo and wrestling made hiroshima and nagasaki famous
west bank is in new york
there are ten eiffel towers in the captial city of france
everybody knows that yasser arafat is the president of al-qaeda

impressive, right?!

anyway, i was flabbergasted to meet mr howard on the streets the other day
i even took a picture with him and i can call him my mate from downunder
oh…and that coffee anan? it tasted fabulous at united nations cafe…go try it yourself

last but not least, i’m thankful for my leader
i’ll always support anything he says
including going to war against a tiny nation in central asia
and invading one italian-speaking country in our continued effort against terrorism
he says these are efforts to keep my country free
he’s from texas, he must be right

aren’t you happy for me?

the honest citizen

ps: one question that still baffles me though…which state does kentucky fried chicken come from? help me, please.

(inspired by a serious survey.)

Published in: on Friday, March 2, 2007 at 11:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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or well he might have said these

These are my top 10 quotes from one of my favourite writers, George Orwell. If there are mis-quotes, please notify me.

• Four legs good, two legs bad.

• At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.

• War is war. The only good human being is a dead one.

• The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.

• All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

• During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.

• There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them.

• If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.

• Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it.

• Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals.

Published in: on Thursday, March 1, 2007 at 5:13 pm  Comments (2)  

To Hell And Back

Watch the old cock pecking the motherly fowl
Live in trepidation of the shadows that loom
Stomach the agony of the nakedness’ prowl
Blight at vicars who offspring in the room

Devastating corollary of the peril taken too far
Heartbreaking moments on the day the lovebirds sing
Mesmerizing close shave with angels of the tsar
Exasperating fruits of labour that are not but a fling

Drill through the brute vigor of the regiment
Healing wounds fixed with an exorbitant popsicle
Take umbrage at the swing of glee and resentment
Finalising episodes of yet another hellish chronicle

Now is the time of respite and tranquillity
But the promise of tribulation sets the path of greater hostility

Published in: on Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at 10:28 am  Comments (3)  

The Greatest Bliss

It’s cooler than Coke
It’s warmer than Love
It’s more pleasing than Sex
It’s more soothing than Music
It’s tastier than Tiramisu
It’s pricier than Lamborghini
It’s more desirable than Diamonds
It’s more vital than Religions and Politics
It’s not Fame
It’s not Power
It’s what Money can’t buy
It’s what Man can’t live without

It’s the Greatest Bliss cherished, treasured, relished by the privileged few
It’s Sleep…

Published in: on Monday, February 26, 2007 at 10:26 pm  Comments (3)  
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I lost my barren soul
Owing to the fact that
My immaculate mind was empty
As a result of
Soporific lessons of life
Which promised much
But delivered none.

Published in: on Friday, February 23, 2007 at 1:58 pm  Comments (3)  


The Chinese New Year break is over. But I had a good time with my family. Had been indulging in some serious FAITHfulness. Took lots of pictures of her. She’s grown a lot. Always count her twice when I count my blessings.

trying a new dress

she and her bear

smiling for the New Year

she looks great in cheongsam

with hair accessories

going nuts

through the tunnel

I love her very much! And, I love her mother too.

Published in: on Tuesday, February 20, 2007 at 10:25 pm  Comments (4)  
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Dying Again

Feline grace undeserved
Almost a definite doubt
Physical passing on only but once
Yet manna comes in the other realm
Opportunities to die living or live dying again and again……
In hope that self-reacontrolisation will surface
Leading to a kicking glorious destiny
Wretchedly the feeble mind falls short incessantly
Losing grasp of the wilful flesoulh
Merrily singing the poignant tune of the robins
Whilst aching through the benign vicious cycles
The ladder up the Tower of Babel
Might justify the conundrum of living happily
Falling down the bottomless pit
No longer an idiosyncrasy
What’s there to live
When dying again bounces to rise?
Call it a day and lie still
Before the false pretence cuts deeper

(pardon the fresh p*ss*m*sm)

Published in: on Monday, February 19, 2007 at 2:40 pm  Comments (5)  

The Only Act that Keeps Repeating Despite the Grave Consequences

I just shut the door
That was left open, again

(a new haiku profoundly orchestrated)

Published in: on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 1:09 am  Comments (6)  

do i


seriously these words haunt me at different points of my life and they just did it again seriously

Published in: on Thursday, February 15, 2007 at 11:23 pm  Comments (6)  
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making sense

skimming ulysses
plagiarising shakespeare
weeping through clockwork orange
governing edgarallanpoe’s temper
falling for big brother in 1984
guffawing with emily dickinson
celebrating valentine’s day
    they all don’t make sense
      (newly written for v-day protest initiated by minx)
Published in: on Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 12:00 am  Comments (8)  

only she

I was spending another short but great evening with my daughter. Just the two of us. As I watched her draw, sing, dance and bounce; as I showered her, cuddled her and dressed her up, I couldn’t help but feel a great sense of gratitude. What have I done to deserve this little girl? Despite the rebel in me and my foolhardy deeds, this beautiful soul in front of me is here to make me proud. I don’t deserve her. But she’s here to teach me precious lessons. Probably her greatest lesson for me is taught through her name – Faith.

Published in: on Sunday, February 11, 2007 at 10:54 pm  Comments (2)  
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who are we?

holy innocents
cocooned in angelic skins

screwtape’s charges
peeling in layers

hideous ageds
melted to core


(inspired by Skint)

Published in: on Saturday, February 10, 2007 at 12:36 am  Comments (4)  
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After weeks of working in a small air-conditioned room with six other sick colleagues, I have finally fallen ill.

It all started on Sunday night when I felt my body warm. My temperature was a little high. I took two pills and went to bed early. On Monday, I felt fresh and was ready to work the whole day which I did. Worked ended at around 6.45 p.m. Got home, had dinner and spent some time with my wife and daughter. Then, I carried on working till after midnight. I went to bed shortly after.

I woke up on Tuesday feeling soreness at my throat. The sign was there. I went to work and had one and half hours of English lesson with my class. Returned to my workstation and started marking my pupils’ assignments. That was when I first experienced a series of headaches. Then came a few minutes of breathing difficulty. I could also feel my body temperature rising and bones aching all over. I knew I was in trouble. Nevertheless, I carried on teaching and even attended a briefing session in town for two and a half hours in the afternoon. The whole afternoon was terrible. No appetite, headache, fever, weak body, etc. I managed to drive home safely, thank God!

Back home, swallowed two pills and took a nap after discovering that my fever had gone up to 38 degrees. Felt better after the sleep. Went to have dinner. Wanted to consult the doctor. But goodness me, the clinic was crowded! Gave up and headed home. Took another two pills and turned in early. I was still harbouring hopes of going back to work today.

Woke up this morning, feeling fine. But somehow I knew I was not strong enough to go to work. Informed my colleague that I would take one day off. After breakfast, I left for the clinic. Dr Jasper Yang was as friendly as ever. He prescribed some medicine and even gave me a two-day medical certificate.

Now, back home, still waiting for the right time to take the medicine. I guess I must have overworked a little in the last few weeks. Always trying to clear as much work as possible. Perhaps, I should change my mentality. Since I know work is never ending, I think I should balance my life more. Now, I have decided that work should remain in school. Family life and rest should take precedence at home. Hope that I can follow these principles.

Published in: on Wednesday, February 7, 2007 at 10:18 am  Comments (1)  
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and she smiled

Congratulations, Team Singapore! Well done! Fantastic achievement! Thanks for making us proud by winning the ASEAN Cup for the third time! Now, Asia, here we come!

Accolades after accolades kept pouring in since the Lions beat Thailand 3-2 on aggregate in the football final. It’s no wonder. This is about the only tournament we have experienced reaching the top so far. I’m happy for the team. I’m happy for the coach. I’m happy for Khairul Amri. And I’m happy for Noh Alam Shah. I think the Lions have been playing what I would call ‘effective football’. Not pretty, but effective. Loads of soaking…varying degrees of high balls…good knock-ons…striking the killer blows at the right time.

However, I call for a reality check. The matter of fact is Singapore football team lacks the qualities and finesse needed to succeed at a higher level. And such elements must only be honed at a young age. Knowing how our system works, it is extremely challenging for Singapore football to be treated seriously at schools level. Education is still the utmost important part of the children’s lives (whether they like it or not). This means that no kid is able to train football full-time, unlike in other countries. The lack of full-time training speaks volume of the kind of players we have locally. Yes, we can compete. Yes, we can conquer South-East Asia. But that’s the furthest we can go, I reckon.

We don’t have to look far to prove my point. Look at the title-winning squad now. Precious, Itimi, Jiayi, Daniel and Mustafic are all foreign-imports. And all are first-team players. If we are not going to depend on our younger kids to carry the torch because they need to concentrate in a sound education, then we have to look abroad to bring in talents. The truth is painful, but must be mentioned. Our kids do not have the time and energy to be trained full-time to be our future heroes in the world of football.

As we looked back at how Singapore had won their third crown, thus sharing the same honour with Thailand for winning it thrice, one must say that they didn’t really win it convincingly. Barring the 11-0 annihilation of the pitiful Laos, Singapore drew almost all their matches against the top sides. 0-0 with Vietnam, 2-2 with Indonesia, 1-1 twice with Malaysia and 1-1 with Thailand in the final. It’s not exaggerating to say that Singapore did not really dominate their opponents in these matches. Even that 2-1 win against Thailand at the National Stadium would not have been made possible if not for the referee’s blunder. In the second leg tie in Bangkok, Singapore were struggling against a rampant Thai side. Somehow I can’t help but feel that Lady Luck was really working her wonders for Singapore in that match. In fact, I think she was smiling all the way for Singapore from the moment the first ball was kicked to the lifting of the trophy by the Singapore skipper. I think she’s still smiling. Thanks, Lady Luck!

However, I don’t want to take the credit off the Singapore players. Though some players were disappointing, most of them really worked their socks off for each other in the team. Noh Alam Shah has come of age by claiming two individual awards. He has really been THE ONE for Singapore. Mustafic’s job in midfield has been highly potent. Jiayi’s physical presence and play bear some resemblance to a certain Xabi Alonso. Khairul Amri’s speed and work rate have contributed much to the team’s success. Ridhuan’s never-say-die attitude gives his team-mates confidence. And coach Raddy must be applauded for moulding a team of fighters. Team Singapore, well done!

But this team of fighters need more than a willing spirit to go further, unless, of course, she chooses to continue to smile with them.

Published in: on Monday, February 5, 2007 at 11:50 pm  Leave a Comment  
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I am Woman
I’m no good, that’s what I’ve been told
Darkness falls upon the land
Stirs darkly the day of owls

My child arrived just the other day
Between the deep blue sea and the coastal cove
The sun peeking out from amongst the fluffy clouds

The past and the future are the jaws of a steel vice

(during sniknej lesson)

Published in: on Friday, February 2, 2007 at 8:00 am  Comments (1)  

I should like to

I should like to……

play down the left flank of the star-studded Liverpool team
mesmerize defenders with my pace and skills.

stand on stage with my guitar and voice
lift the hearts out of the screaming girls.

extend my outstretched arms
and feed the millions in poverty.

fly across planet Earth
and see the world I long to see.

change the hearts of people
and get rid of selfishness totally.

(done at sulpamard)

Published in: on Friday, February 2, 2007 at 7:52 am  Leave a Comment  

a senseless poem

wonderful sheep quickly runs beautiful moments
blue princess silently skips ugly love
spiky principal comfortably sings strange sweetness
long peacock rudely talks enormous understanding
wavy screw sweetly lectures clever confidence
short catapult cunningly jumps mean salary

(generated by a team years back)

Published in: on Thursday, February 1, 2007 at 12:13 am  Comments (1)  

transfer deadline

Today is the transfer deadline. Some clubs will rush into a buying frenzy and end up getting half-past-six players for exorbitant fees. Of course, some well-publicised transfer saga might end up a nought. The last I heard, my beloved Liverpool are going after Javier Mascherano. Hmm…seriously, I doubt he can survive the English League.

Hence, I have decided to take the Anfield hot seat and make my own decision in who I should bring to the club. The following players would be on my last-minute shopping list if the Dubai owners provide the financial arms. Call my list audacious or impossible or ridiculous; it is a list, I believe, that will cause much excitement among the fans.

William Gallas – The ever versatile and highly dependable defender who has the knack of scoring against Liverpool. His positioning and reading of the game is among the best in the business. His competitive nature will give him an edge over opposing attackers. He can cover Finnan on the right, Riise on the left or partner Carragher in the centre of defence. Arsenal might not release him. But with the cash dangling like carrots, they could let him go. Gallas himself will move because he wants yet another new challenge in his career.

Kevin Nolan – Forget Mascherano. Nolan’s dare-devil spirits put him miles ahead. What’s more…he’s a Liverpool fan. His robust play and powerful drive forward resembles a certain Gerrard. Though he might not be in the same class as the latter, he could provide competition in the holding midfield role currently rotated between Alonso and Momo. After all these years of being in a nearly-continental club in Bolton, Nolan would perhaps jump at this chance of playing Champions League football with the Reds. Bolton? The cash from the Middle East might be too much to resist.

Matthew Taylor – If you look at the current Liverpool squad, we have a number of left wingers. However, I never really think that they are good enough to cause havoc. Riise should stay at left-back; Garcia’s inconsistency outnumbers his moments of brilliance; Gonzalez is actually not as fast as what all the hype had pointed; Kewell’s injury problems could force him out of the game; and Zenden? We need new blood on the left. Look no further than Matt Taylor who had already scored a couple of stunning goals this season. Some people are saying he could be the solution to England’s left midfield problem. And I have to say, “Amen!” to that. This fellow is a fighter who is quite skilful actually. He may not be very fast, but he can certainly cause problems in the opposition defence with his skills. The south coast club have to admit that after all these years with them, Taylor’s time to move on is now.

Robbie Keane – Once the most expensive teenager, Keane’s career has nosedived somewhat a little. From a sensational move to Inter to a miserable spell at Leeds, Keane’s ability to sparkle a moment of magic in a match was often underestimated, underutilized and under wraps. Even now at Spurs, he’s not the first choice. Well, Liverpool could use him with Crouch as one pair of strikers (Kuyt and Bellamy being the other). Keane’s skills are never in question and he really does know where the goal is. He needs to be playing competitively and consistently to start striking fear into the hearts of defences. He will not mind moving to Merseyside to get regular playtime and Spurs sure do not treat him serious enough to want to keep him. So, what are we waiting for?

Shaun Wright-Phillips – Liverpool need another quality right winger to compete with Pennant. I look around the League and I must say that I have to choose Wright-Phillips because of two reasons. First, he can be a real threat when he’s given regular football. Second, I cast a pity vote for him. He’s not gonna be cheap because Roman wants his money back. But with Dubai as our backing, I say let’s go for him.

You would notice by now that these are all Premiership players. The fact is only players who start the careers at the Premiership can survive the Premiership. Don’t think of bringing in players from overseas. Very few of them succeed. Ask Andriy to verify my statement. And as a Reds fan, I really fancy the above-mentioned players to contribute much to the future success of Liverpool Football Club. We just need the Dubai cash and my wisdom to bring them in. Rafa, are you listening? The rest of you, what say you?

(PS: By the way, I take Singapore and Thailand to draw 1-1.)

Published in: on Wednesday, January 31, 2007 at 4:50 pm  Leave a Comment  
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the kallang roar

The Kallang Roar!

It was back! It was back to push the Lions to a hard-fought win over our northern neighbours.

And yes! I remember those good old days!

I had been to the National Stadium several times to support the Lions during the Malaysia Cup days. Each time, I thoroughly enjoyed the occasion. The atmosphere was electrifying with the Kallang Roar – the fans stomping their feet, the vulgarities and insults directed at the referees, the goal celebrations we shared with one another and the passion for football. It had also always been pleasing to know that whenever I was present at the stadium, the Lions never lost a game. I can only remember the 8-1 demolition of Brunei and a certain 1-1 draw between our Singapore ‘Dream Team’ and arch rivals Selangor; and there were a 3-0, a 7-0, etc. Putting such scores aside, it is no exaggeration to say that the Kallang Roar could actually bring the whole nation together.

If I want to witness national togetherness at a grand scale, the Kallang Roar is the answer. I would rather spend my time watching football with fellow Singaporeans at the National Stadium than participate at the National Day Parade. The truth is I felt a strong sense of patriotism whenever I watched football with fellow fans supporting the Lions. If there were a Singapore goal, we would jump for joy together, embracing each other regardless of race and religion and gender and age. The bond amongst the Singapore fans was always amazing. It was like we all had known each other for years. We could talk, cheer and jeer together. I could see these clearly all the time. If the referee made the wrong decision, we would echo one another when we hurl insults at the referee, “REFEREE KAYU!!!” All these elements of the Kallang Roar were never present when I was at the stadium watching the National Day Parade. I believe such spirits could never be seen at the NDP.

It’s a pity that we are not going to see such scenes anymore soon. Probably for most Singapore fans, Wednesday’s 1st leg tie with Thailand will be the last chance to savour and relive this national togetherness. The Kallang Roar will probably make its last presence felt on that day. I will not be there. But I believe all those who, like me, had wonderful memories of Kallang and the national togetherness will seek to bring out the Kallang Roar in us wherever we are on that day. May this roar inspire the Lions to a memorable victory over the Thais.

Hail the Kallang Roar!

Published in: on Monday, January 29, 2007 at 11:01 pm  Comments (2)  
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it’s all in the mind

It’s all in the mind.

You are sinking in the sea. Waves after waves come crashing onto you. The remnants of the plane floating around keep pushing you towards the fire. The sub-zero temperature of the water threatens to kill you. The open wounds on your body inflict further pain through your mind. The dead bodies discourage and demoralise you. The raging storm pours menacingly from the heavens. Your body and strength are on the verge of total collapse.

What do you do?
Give up?
Struggle to stay afloat?
Stay calm, summon your will and look for an opening to survival?

The flesh may be weak.
But it has to do the willing spirit’s bidding.
And the willing spirit gains strength from the mind.

It’s all in the mind.

Published in: on Friday, January 26, 2007 at 8:20 am  Leave a Comment  
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my wishes

An age-old question: What are your wishes?

Let me attempt to answer it.

I wish I have more than 24 hours a day, so that I could spend more time at work and definitely more time with my wife and daughter.

I wish I could have the most powerful notebook that costs just a fraction of a thousand dollars.

I wish I have all the money in the world to travel round the world with my family.

I wish I could just stop working and replace the working time with books and music and movies.

I wish I have the luxury to go shopping as much as I want without burning my pockets.

I wish……a little self-centred, perhaps……

I wish that Singaporeans will be more gracious and considerate (stop littering, stop smoking in public, start giving up seats to the needy, etc.)

I wish parents will treat education seriously and start supporting their children in this area.

I wish all terrible vicious cycles could cease once and for all.

I wish that love and peace can exist everywhere.

Sometimes, I wish serious judgement will fall upon those who never put others before self.

Finally, I wish I had stopped wasting time writing these senseless impossibilities.

Sigh! Stress……perhaps……perhaps……per……haps……

Published in: on Monday, January 22, 2007 at 5:30 pm  Comments (1)  
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the crazy world of football

Liverpool take on Chelsea at Anfield today, and I can’t believe that many people are backing the home team to win against the defending champions. As a Reds fan for the last donkey years, I know too well that expectations had been turned into disappointments far too often in the last decade. This season alone, this trend had happened a few times. Just when you expected Liverpool to ride on their good form and continue their streak, they would come crashing down with a disastrous defeat. Think 3-0 to Everton, 2-0 to Bolton, 1-0 to Blackburn and the back-to-back disgrace to Arsenal.

Yes, my beloved Liverpool are the best form team in the League. Yes, they are unbeaten at home in the League. Yes, they have conceded one solitary goal at home in the League. Everything seems to point to a Liverpool win. Now, here’s the predictable danger. When you expect them to win, they go on to lose. Let’s not forget that Rafa has yet to win any League games against Chelsea (and Man U and Arsenal for that matter). So, even though my heart says Liverpool will win, my head says Chelsea will win by two.

Then, there is this Lucas Neill. Who does he think he is? A top-notch player? I was already quite shocked to hear Rafa’s interest in him. To me, he could be a waste of money. Yet, he dared to reject Liverpool over West Ham so that he could take home £50,000 every week! What a total absurdity! In my living memory, only a world class (or continental class at least) player could demand such a fee. Neill is only, at best, an average player. This is really nuts!

Who could ever forget West Ham’s sensational signing of the two promising Argentineans, Tevez and Mascherano? What on Earth were they thinking when they signed for the Hammers? Joining a world class team? As we all know by now, Pardew was given the boot and West Ham are seriously in trouble of getting relegated. If nothing goes right for them this season, this is going to be one of the most glaring bloopers that ever happen to a top-flight team and two so-called world class talents. What a joke! (Mind me; Rafa’s trying to sign Mascherano. I shudder…)

Of course, there is this someone called D Beckham who has just signed for an MLS team after being left out in the cold during the entire Ice Age. The probably henpecked football celebrity, deemed to be past his prime, will actually be paid a staggering £500,000 per week! What are the bosses of LA Galaxy thinking? Publicity? Fame? The desire to win the League? Or the wishful thinking of dominating world football (or soccer they call it)? Not even Ronaldinho would dare ask Barcelona for such a pay cheque. He would probably be too embarrassed to even think about it.

Really, this funny thing called football? It can be quite crazy at times (perhaps, most of the time in future).

Published in: on Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 4:38 pm  Comments (1)  
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win again? doesn’t matter…

Singapore football team crushed Laos 11-0 in the ASEAN Championship, much to the delight of those supporters who still faithfully back their national team even after a spate of dismal results recently. Congratulations to the boys! As long as I have lived on Earth, I’ve never seen Singapore winning by such a big margin in an international tournament. But honestly speaking, I’m not really totally bothered, and I don’t think they will win the tournament for the third time.

Yes, they are the defending champions. Yes, Noh Alam Shah scored 7 goals. Yes, they might still beat Indonesia to top the group. But no, I don’t think they can overcome Thailand. As a matter of fact, Laos were a poor, poor team. Their coach had already thrown in the towel before the match by declaring Singapore a much stronger team. He even predicted goals galore. He also highlighted the fact that his team are made up of students who treat soccer as a leisure activity. This mentality probably had an effect on the players even before the ball was kicked. They knew they would lose big. Their hearts and minds and souls and strengths were not present even before the game commenced. All Singapore had to do was to take advantage of the situation, and the Lions were rather ruthless at that.

They attacked with confidence, passed the ball well and scored some good goals. Credit must be given to the Singapore team for working hard to slaughter their opponents. But really, Laos also put in effort in making the hosts look good. Let’s not get carried away and think that Singapore are going to win the tournament again. Indonesia might still surprise if the Lions are not careful. And don’t forget that Singapore struggled a bit against Vietnam in their first match.

However, I do think that if Singapore play to their strengths, they are good enough for the final. And that’s where they will probably be stopped in their tracks by Thailand.

My head says Thailand, and you would expect me to say my heart says Singapore. No, my heart says it doesn’t matter at all.

Published in: on Monday, January 15, 2007 at 11:35 pm  Leave a Comment  
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possession vs clinical finishing

After all these years of watching and playing football, I have to admit that possession in football does not equate to winning matches. Clinical finishing has always been the key to winning matches. Any fool can tell you this too. So why is it that some footballing brains are not ticking? Footballers and coaches alike, some of them are guilty of this. Don’t strive to keep possession of the ball, but excel at clinical finishing. This is what I would tell my players if I’m a coach. Am I right? Possibly. Probably.

Let’s recall the match between Liverpool and Arsenal. Amount of possession Liverpool had was 62%. Arsenal only had 38%. The Reds had 16 shots, while the visitors had 5 only. Final score? Liverpool 1 Arsenal 3. The same story happened at Ewood Park last month when Liverpool lost 1-0 after dominating the game in terms of possession. Come on, Guys! You have to be clinical in your finishing! What matters most in football is scoring goals, isn’t it?

Liverpool, for all their credentials as traditional powerhouses, are seriously lacking in the department of scoring. There have been times when they were made to look good, like their 4-0 win at Wigan. But honestly speaking, they are simply not good enough at the moment. They have got several strikers, but none can score consistently. The same can be said of their midfielders. Gerrard has not been the scoring phenomenon of last season. Their defenders? Carragher just scored his first in 7 years! If they struggle for periods to score in a match, I cannot find one inspirational player who can pop out to score at will.

Maybe, they must seriously scout for one clinical striker. Maybe, give Kuyt some more time and he will be one. Maybe, someone from the youth setup could be the clinical one. Maybe, the training sessions should focus on scoring goals. Maybe, I can be their coach……Maybe……

I think I’ve said enough. As a Liverpool fan, I wish them all the best in……scoring goals.

It’s never the amount of possession that counts…count the goals, Folks!

Published in: on Tuesday, January 9, 2007 at 6:19 pm  Comments (1)  
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ready to drop

tired , weary , exhausted , worn-out , drained , bushed , all-in , dead beat , sleepy , fatigued , somnolent , beat , pooped , done in , dog-tired , depleted , washed-out , sapped , lethargic , ready to drop……

exactly how i’m feeling right now……

Published in: on Monday, January 8, 2007 at 10:27 pm  Comments (1)  
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a different ball game

After three working days, I’m already feeling the heat of being in a leadership role. Had been staying late at work everyday, and I felt like I hadn’t achieved much. When I asked the senior members, they said it’s normal. There are tons of things to do for the department. There are also two English classes to handle. Then, there is still the family to look after. Good grief! And I’m not even a full-fledged leader yet!

To give myself an idea how big my role is after three days, I listed my tasks…and not surprisingly, this is what I saw and is stilling seeing:

1. Set department targets
2. Confirm setters list
3. Meet committee members
4. Plan P & D festival
5. Call skrowudu
6. P5 & P6 writing wos
7. Get volunteers for observation
8. Research

• Managing LE department
• Managing AH pupils
• Advance LE lessons
• Courses for pupils
• Venue for borderless classroom

9. CAN – Lit and Drama
10.Talk to colleagues to compile compo errors
11.Submit evasude forms for pupils’ course
12.Explore dael portal
13.Submit zib-g – P1-P4 readers, P5, P6 lit resources
14.Develop P6 lesson plans
15.Develop roving news team

I counted fifteen and stopped. And this is never going to end.

Albeit my work is a different ball game altogether, I’m willing to challenge myself. Keep me in your prayers if you believe in them.

Published in: on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 1:07 am  Leave a Comment  
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It was a typical lazy afternoon. David was asleep in his cot. Mum was doing some household chores in the kitchen. Me? I was playing with my toys.

The boredom inevitably set in. The quietness somehow encouraged me to do something different. I climbed up and sat by the bedroom window. I stared down the block. Wow, this is high, I thought. 11th floor, mind you. Eyes still searching for something interesting, I was fiddling with the basket of clothing by the window. They all belonged to my brother and me.

Then, the devil spoke. He sounded brilliant, I thought. The persuasion began to take effect and gradually, the temptation set in. Don’t hesitate…just do it, I thought again.

The hand picked up the first piece. The movement was then swift. Now, the hand was outside the window. The fingers finally relented too. David’s shirt was on its way down to the ground. The mind was highly amused. How could this be fun? But it was indeed fun! The hand picked up the second piece and moved out of the window promptly. The fingers released the item and my shirt was gone. HAHA! This was exciting. Then, the mind, the hand and the fingers collaborated in tossing the pieces of clothing out of the window one by one. The experience was beyond description.

Mum started calling for me. I did not respond. I was too busy. Never had so much pleasure.

The activity was intense. I would never have imagined that it could be so enjoyable. Shirts, trousers, mittens, socks, etc. All of them were not spared.

Mum called for me again. I was too engrossed to respond again. Such joy!

More than half the basket was already gone. Mission half-accomplished. He told me to finish the job. I was convinced I had a destiny. I carried on.

Mum called for me once more. The climax had heightened. Nothing could stop me from completing my task. Nothing could…

“What are you doing?” shouted Mum as she stepped in. Her jaws dropped, eyes stared in disbelief. My mind went blank. I did not know how to answer her question. The next thing I knew, I was whacked with a hanger many times. The devil? Nowhere in sight! That despicable bloke had left me in the lurch!

The pain on my limbs was new to me. I had never got beaten until that day. All I could do was to cry incessantly. Plenty of reprimanding to endure too.

Moments later, I was ordered to follow her out of our home. We went to retrieve what were lost. We had to go floor by floor to knock on our neighbours’ doors. At the end of the search, we managed to get back 80% of our clothes. More scoldings followed.

The poor four-year-old had his first taste of getting beaten that day.

Published in: on Wednesday, January 3, 2007 at 11:28 pm  Leave a Comment  
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This is one date that I will definitely remember very well for the rest of my life.

In the wee hours that morning, Jennifer’s water bag broke. Time to rush to Thomson Medical Centre. We were excited, anxious yet calm about it. in the lift…on the way to our car… I drove her safely to our destination. She was escorted up while I went through the paper work.

In the delivery room, she went through waves after waves of contraction. I was by her side, feeling rather useless. All I could do was to comfort her. Seconds turned to minutes which turned to hours. To me it was a long wait. But I think to her it was eternity. Her pain was intense even with the mask over her.

Then the time had to come. Lawrence ambled in. In less than half an hour, the baby was delivered. Time was 7.38 a.m. My little Faith was there in front of me.

fresh from womb

By evening, all were taken care of. I was busy taking pictures of the baby. Jennifer looked weary, but she was relieved and happy. I told her I would come early next morning.

sleeping well

on my lap

eyes open

Back home, I turned in early, not because I was really tired. I wanted to have ample sleep before waking up at 3 to watch the Champions League final between my beloved Liverpool and Milan. I slept well, probably because of the joy of being a father.

In fact, I slept too well. When I woke up, the match had gone into half-time. When I saw the highlights of the first half, I could not believe my eyes. Liverpool 0 Milan 3! Lost, gone, dead and buried. I shut my eyes, hoping that I could continue my sweet dreams and forget the heart-breaking scoreline.

Rotten luck! I woke up suddenly to witness the first 5 minutes of the second half. Never mind, I should continue to watch the game for entertainment sake. And since I called myself a loyal Liverpool supporter, I must as well…

Then, the incredible happened (something which the whole world of football would know by now). My dearest Liverpool fought back and scored three goals by the 90th minute. The rest……hit the post……Riise missed……Dudek wobbled……Shevchenko missed……Gerrard lifted the cup!

gerrard felled

alonso scored

great save!


Liverpool, winners Champions League 2005

On the day when Faith was brought to Earth by her sensational parents, Milan was brought down to Earth by a sensational Liverpool FC.

How can I forget this day?

(Ps: one disappointment though: Bo Bice lost the American Idol final.)

Published in: on Tuesday, January 2, 2007 at 10:48 pm  Comments (2)  
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new beginning

2007 promises to be an exciting year for me. Expectations are high and I’m keeping my fingers crossed on what are to come.

Family has to be a priority. Jennifer and I are into our 5th year of marriage. Faith is turning two. So lots of family bonding to be enhanced.

Work is going to be challenging. Taking on a leadership role is not going to be easy. But I’m looking forward to exercising my leadership skills and management intelligence.

Hopefully I can spend more time reading this year. Have always enjoyed reading, but always struggled to be disciplined enough to read. Things could be better soon.

Blogging is another avenue for me to spend time thinking and reflecting. This should help develop my life further. I’m hoping that I could also spend some time writing more and making music more this year.

I guess I’m not ambitious. These things should be sufficient to keep me busy in 2007. Hope that it’s going to be another successful year.

Published in: on Monday, January 1, 2007 at 11:50 pm  Comments (1)  
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a very short holiday

Since I’ve been so busy during this vacation period, I could not afford to go overseas for holidays. Moreover, Faith’s still too young to travel far. But still managed to book a night’s stay at Marina Mandarin on Christmas’ eve. Check-in was delayed by the hotel, so they allowed us to stay til 2.00 p.m. the next day. Spent some time at Marina Square. Got back late in the evening. After putting Baby to sleep, Jennifer and I joined the countdown to Christmas at the corridor. Took some pictures and recorded short clips. After reviewing the pictures taken, our verdict is out: our Nikon machine must be replaced soon. Went to the swimming pool the next day. Then, after some loitering at the shopping centre, we checked out. A very short holiday experience. Similar to our Marriott and Downtown East one night stands in June and August respectively. But far from our fantastic experience in Switzerland in 2004 and Ritz-Carlton a few years back. Plan to go somewhere further in 2007. Australia, perhaps.
atrium lounge (view from 12th floor)
moments before midnight, party-goers gathered in anticipation

all hung up, ready for midnight release

suntec convention hall

pan pac and conrad hotels


Merry Christmas!
balloons released…crowd went wild…balloons popped…

boxing day morning

atrium lounge boxing day
hotel staff were efficient in cleaning the party mess

Published in: on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 at 11:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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People said that Christmas’ just a season of
Greeting cards, turkey dishes, well wishes
But I didn’t think that was just about it
Always felt this peace, this joy move within my heart
Such a lovely Christmas!
Or is this just an ordinary Christmas?

Then I saw the story of this young child
They called Prince of Peace, Counsellor, Emmanuel
And I knew this child wasn’t just one little life
He was much more than what I could see in his eyes
Such a lovely child!
He’s not just an ordinary child!

And I found this everlasting friendship
When the little child grew and walked into my life
He gives me peace, joy, hope and love
That mean so much more I can ever have from a friend
Such a lovely friend!
He’s not just an ordinary friend!

I’ve found the reason for Christmas
He came to live and die for me
Out of love, out of love
Out of love, out of love

Christmas isn’t just a simple story
With Santa Claus, jingle bells, “Merry Christmas!”
It’s ’bout having this great gift from above
Priceless, worthy, made ready for you
Such a lovely gift!
It’s not just an ordinary gift!

Christmas is one true Friend!
One true Friend is one best gift!


Published in: on Monday, December 25, 2006 at 11:24 pm  Leave a Comment  


how many one-after-anothers do I have to experience?
can I be strong?
will I be vigilant?
am I the problem?
or are they tests of my faithfulness?
if indeed they are, I might have failed.
or have I?

experience and maturity, you would expect,
should have seen me through this
quite laughably I found myself stagnant
I’m just a toddler, perhaps
I’m still developing, I suppose
I’m ever learning, for Pete’s sake
everyone’s learning all the time

excuses, excuses, excuses
enough of such woeful reasons

time to acknowledge my root
to question my integrity
to check my so-called progress
to measure my superficial success
deep down below
yet obviously shallow
the solution is crystal clear
it’s my choice
turn my back against the guiding tower
pretending losing my windows
or walk the narrow path
where no one dares to trudge
turn the tide
or ride with it

the devil versus the angel
the eternal matchup
could well impact my destiny

salvation to be completed?
or yet another one-after-another?


Published in: on Thursday, December 21, 2006 at 12:50 am  Leave a Comment  


Let not the beautiful flowers lead you into believing that the moon on the other side is rounder.
Stand tall and be aware that whatever is beneath your breath, you owe to Mother Nature (or perhaps The Creator).
Sitting back and remembering your roots do not quite complement each other.
For you have to put the right foot forward to appreciate all that you possess.
Let not the corner of your weak mind impede you from the ascension when you finally see the world from where you should have long time ago.

(signed on 4.12.2006)

Published in: on Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Could I

Climbing out
Head searching
Stumbling across
Limbs wrenching
Standing in bewilderment
Mind aching
Looking in awe
Heart spinning

Should I have hoped for more?
Would I have wished for more?
Could I have asked for more?

Labouring on
Eyes sniffing
Enduring pain
Nose straining
Talking through
Ears speaking
Believing what’s up
Mouth crying

Should I have hoped for more?
Would I have wished for more?
Could I have asked for more?

Stop and look
Seeing what I see?
Seeing what I want to see?
Is it reality?
Is it illusion?
Do I have it?
Am I imagining I have it?
Stop and look

Should I have done more?
Would I have done more?
Could I have done more?

Do I have the makings of a fool?
Am I just an ordinary folk?
Should I?
Would I?
Could I?

(on the anniversary 2006)

Published in: on Monday, December 18, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Ode to the Folks Whose Departure is Imminent

It is never easy
making sense of this world,
taking the initial steps,
uttering gibberish,
trusting the anonymous souls,
calling out the first names,
moving on with ease,
recognizing the familiar faces,
socializing a good mix,
loving the blood relations in return,
learning the alphabets,
acquiring different new skills,
manipulating numbers and dollars and sense,
building relationships,
climbing the academy charts,
maintaining bonding and ties,
surviving the rat race within the system,
managing emotions and feelings,
winning against all odds,
facing an early closure to part 1 of the life,
pouring the hearts out to the dearest,
clinging on to what’s left behind,
bidding farewell,
marching onto the next phase.
Never easy.

(noted on 18.11.2006)

Published in: on Sunday, December 17, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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You came
almost pure
almost innocent
almost without blemish
There you stood
looking naïve
looking young
looking adorable
You learned
always earnest
always teachable
always hungry for more
No one
could halt your steps
could quell your desire
could dampen your spirits

You grew
ever changing
ever distracted
ever influenced
The passion
gradually replaced
gradually sacrificed
gradually dissipated
There you looked
subtly distanced
subtly rebellious
subtly crying out loud
To you, no one
will ever believe in you
will ever appreciate you
will ever understand you

You left
very much broken
very much broken
very much broken

(baked in 18.11.2006)

Published in: on Saturday, December 16, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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Innocence is some God-given gift that can only be enjoyed when you have absolutely no idea what the world is all about.
Innocence can also be a state of mind that leads you to thinking that every thing in this world is all but straight as you see.
Innocence might be defined as a one-time experience whereby you are free of worries and deep thoughts.
Innocence is definitely something that you will never ever possess again once you reach a certain level of maturity.
Innocence comes at birth but it’s there for everyone to lose without much effort.
Innocence. Cherish it before the break of dawn.

(rubbished out on 15.11.2006)

Published in: on Friday, December 15, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!
Seventeen years away from this day
You were born again
Ignorant of loss or gain
Lost your way in the labyrinth of ups and downs
Thought you’d live your life with shrugs and frowns

On with the next wave of life
You found the most precious lessons in life
Grew from strength to strength
Confidence and hope abound in great length
Then came the time of trials that tested
Which you passed well and rested

Secular emotions seeped through invitingly
And you believed life would develop excitingly
Like a huge hammer that crushes your bones
Those who loved had fallen like hailstones
Deep, deep wounds that failed to recover
Had left a trail the fiend couldn’t wait to discover

Time had slowly healed the ache
With yet another worldly break
Off you went to start anew
Knowing well that chances could be few
Though the bed seems so full of roses
You can’t help but feel you need his doses

Owing to your progeny’s need
An opportunity arises so timely indeed
Now it’s time for some mind precision
There’s certainly no room for indecision
Rejoice; remember; reflect through the day
Happy Birthday!

(penned 2.11.2006)

Published in: on Thursday, December 14, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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I’ve got everything they don’t have.
God favours me, so I…
Have extra fats, extra oil,
Extra skin, extra flesh.
All contributing to extra pounds.
Look at my magnificent physique.
My sheer size casts fear amongst all of them.
Look at my eyes – sleek and cunning
Look at my nose – well-endowed and keen
Look at my cheeks – riding high with pride
Look at my chins – double glory, double arrogance
My thick limbs way surpass any other forms of human
My perfect bottoms summon advantages wherever I reside.
And the rest is plain history – my clothes, my shoes, my kingsized bed, etc.,etc,.etc.
I am more than a complete all-rounder
I am an icon for human beauty.

(2003 again)

Published in: on Wednesday, December 13, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  

12 Years of Christmas

1st birthday, I wish I could have more movement, more milk & more motherly love.
2nd birthday, I wish I could have toys that challenge my limbs, esp the hands.
3rd birthday, I wish they would stop making me learn alphabets & give me time to watch TV.
4th birthday, I wish they would not make me learn piano & attend Maths lesson.
5th birthday, I wish I would not cry when I am in school.
6th birthday, I wish I would have courage & independence in school.
7th birthday, I wish Tom could be my best friend forever.
8th birthday, I wish Mrs Goh would come to past by tripping over a rock.
9th birthday, I wish Science never exist.
10th birthday, I wish Science & Maths never exist.
11th birthday, I wish to find my myself in EM2, at least.
12th birthday, I wish my parents stop placing high expectations on me.
I wish……I never jump…………

(from 2003)

Published in: on Tuesday, December 12, 2006 at 12:00 am  Comments (1)  

a simple mind

Living life to the fullest with
One whom you cherish, sharing
Visions and dreams,
Everyone’s need.

Never before have I felt this way. The touch and the warmth that come with it, the feelings that runs through me and the way I am used. For so long, I have been feeling lonely. I have been made to feel unimportant and useless. To say that I have been mistreated is an utter understatement. I have been raped. Mishandled, thrown around with grease all over me. Made to feel thoroughly filthy. I honestly thought my days were miserable. Or did I even have days?

But (and that’s a big BUT), he sees me differently. From the moment he puts a hold on me, I know life is going to be beautiful after all. Somehow he has communicated the message that I am vital to his life. The tightness of his grip and his leaning body. Both make me feel very much wanted. It’s like he can count on me totally. All of a sudden, my ego has heightened, my morale boosted and my confidence…well, let’s just say it has skyrocketed! What’s more, all these lead myself into believing that I am invincible. By the power of the sky and Earth I have been created. The attributes in me are just so unmatchable. Streams of thoughts about how good I am keep flooding my mind.

Quite abruptly, my foolhardy mind is disturbed when I hear him utter, “I’ll…I’ll…buy this staff.” I feel like I have been knocked into my senses on the head. All my, what seem to be frivolous, thoughts, now, have vanished in a matter of seconds. I have been brought back to reality again. It’s like a child being awakened from his sweet dreams. I must accept the cold, hard fact. I am only a wooden stick. Staff, people call me. An item that only old folks utilise. “This piece of junk? It merely costs one cent,” another man says.

A junk. A stick. An old man wood. What more names can I get from people? Why are they calling me multiple names? I have a name. Staff is my name. But what can I do? Moments ago I felt invincible. Now, back to square one. Feeling ineffective and chagrin fills my heart. I am a nobody. Period.

“I’ll take this staff,” says the old man.

The next thing I know, I am held in his hands and slowly we walk out together. To speak the truth, I am walking with a heavy heart. Not that this is something new. I have been feeling desolate all my life anyway. The only difference is, this time I feel worse. Especially after my two-second triumphant thoughts. As for the man, he just trudges along very slowly, using me as a support.

Walking with him is rather slow. Step by step, I take him along on the walkway. He’s a strong man, I can tell you, just from his desperate hold on me. But he’s weak in his legs. The way he walks is comparable to an artist painting his picture painstakingly. Careful, precise, slow. I can hear his breathing. Not rapid but draggy. He’s also singing too. I can’t really figure out what he is singing. But it goes something like “I’ve been working on the rail road……” He sounds joyful. Or should I say there is an element of pride in his mood. Despite my pathetic state of life and state of mind (or at least that’s what I think), my spirits is somehow being lifted up, albeit it doesn’t change the opinion of myself. I still sucks. But the old man and his grip and his feelings and his moods and his song have an impact on me. A positive impact. Let’s be frank, I have hope in him.

The song goes on “Dinah blow your horn, Dinah blow your horn……” In what seems like ages, I have only moved twenty-three steps. I can hear that we are merely a stone’s throw away from the shop.

(penned in 2003)

Published in: on Monday, December 11, 2006 at 12:00 am  Leave a Comment  

back in 2003…

The ingenuity of the human heart has been betrayed by the genuity of the human actions time and time again.

Never mind the errors
that make themselves
a nuisance to those
around daily, persistently
and obstinately.
If you say ignorance is bliss,
I’d say forgiveness is blessed.

My body & my soul
Yearn for something more
Refreshed, renewed
Aptly put it.
28 days later
My body & my soul
Empowered, inspired
Aptly put it.

Cast your shadow
over the hapless lizard
and cause fear in it.
Cast your shadow
over the studious girl
and cause anger in her.
Cast your shadow
over your beloved’s tombstone
and cause sorrow in you.
Cast your shadow
over the ragged thug
and cause joy in him.

The word ‘trash’ is
often, unfortunately, silently
succumbed to subjectivity.
The vast majority perceives
‘trash’ as things that are
rubbish, useless, nonsense,
utterly woeful, completely junkie.
But it would be wrong to reject
any claim that ‘trash’ can lead to
usefulness, salvation, aid, advantage, benefit.
There’s no absolute truth in
semantics and linguistics.
Both are results of a human brain
that errs too much to be called
full-proof and reliable.
To you, I might be writing ‘trash’,
first definition.
To me, I am writing ‘trash’,
second definition.

Published in: on Sunday, December 10, 2006 at 12:00 am  Comments (2)  
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